AIDS LIFECYCLE

An extraordinary time was had by all this late Saturday afternoon at the benefit for AIDS cycle spearheaded by the twins as we so affectionately refer to them Marjorie and Rose.  These young 30 something’s are always smiling, have a good thing to say and are at the ready with a kiss on the cheek that embodies their genuine enthusiasm for life. 

This was a gathering of friends rather than acquaintances and whenever one of us needs support for a benefit or to participate in a celebration like Michael Korol’s exposition this core of beautiful people is always there without question. And so we were for a great cause dear to the Twins’ heart and by all accounts it was a successful fundraiser. We can always make it better but let us enjoy the intention and let the results take care of themselves.  

Tripp Doherty after teaching his own spin classes in Scarsdale and Manhattan gave of himself in his own indefatigable way teaching two more sessions here. His donation can never be measured in dollars and cents but can be in determination, commitment and as a devoted friend. The girl’s thank you from their beating hearts and we thank you for taking the time and helping make AIDS CYCLE a success.  

Yes & No

When I was but a wee boy yes meant yes and no meant well, no. Nowadays, I just can’t be sure. At least not all the time anyway. Take for instance the new age phrase that has me baffled: Yeah-no. What that means I am told is that its an agreement (yes) that what preceded it was a no.  I am not quite sure why we need to say yes first before we say no but maybe it just gives the negative an exclamation point.  

And then there are times when we say yes to someone but we don’t really mean it and just can’t dole out the truth, which is NO.  And the same holds true for no when we are asked: Did I wake you? Were you sleeping? Did I catch you at a bad time? All answers should be yes but we opt for No instead. I suppose its out of politeness we do these things or maybe we just don’t want anyone to know we were sleeping or the moment isn’t propitious right now. 

How about when we ask someone did you say that? And along with a look of incredulity we get fed: I never said that! So even when we are confronted with what is a yes we decline because we’re embarrassed or hit the panic button because we get caught. Most times we are telling the truth but when we get face to face with someone we or they say no as if what was said never transpired.   

Or there’s the one that I especially love when someone is crying and we ask why are you crying? And the answer gets shot back at us: I’m not crying! I suppose that’s just a rain dance your eyes are doing.  

When did the line between yes and no become so blurred? I’m not sure but maybe it was when men stopped wearing hats.   

Change

When a bend in the river arrives suddenly it takes a strong hand make the turn with swiftness and certainty. In the natural order of things change is inevitable but often its unpredictable. And change is not always greeted with applause but more often than not its just the spirit that breaks us out of the trance that we can find ourselves in when faced with life on life’s terms.  The easier softer way is to resist change and just remain implacable but that and 2.25 gets us a ride on a dark hole in the ground to nowhere.  

The Electronic Cigarette

I’ve never smoked cigarettes but the latest craze that has taken active smokers, former smokers and non-smokers like me by storm is the electronic cigarette. Various clever names have been given to these in some cases placebos for smoking and I recently tried them and although the nicotine content is probably like low alcohol beer, it took not but a few days to realize that a fool is born every minute. I suppose I should reserve my harsh statement in the case that some heavy smokers have either been helped to either quit or cut down on the real version of burning poison but I also suspect that sagging cigarette sales have companies that make these devices have them witnessing a burgeoning bottom line cashing in on America’s addictive nature. 

The packaging is astonishing. The throw away version has its own plastic triangular cylinder complete with a replaceable top which I guess is to insure its freshness and the more expensive versions that have their own battery pack for recharging and 5 pack replacement filters that screw on and off as the flavor runs out are pure Madison Avenue. But the true genius of these “cigs” is the “smoke” which is no more than a visible vapor when you breathe out and gives the impression that one is really smoking and then there’s the simulated red ember that glows when the “smoker” takes a drag.  I suppose it might also keep smokers a little warmer next winter as they can smoke these simulated versions at their desk and have no one complain of secondary smoke. I am not sure what the health hazards are and I suppose the jury is still out on that study. It was fun for me but although I toyed with the idea of getting the more expensive version I let this new habit pass me by. 

It never ceases to amaze me what technology brings us some good and some that has us scratching our collective heads. But hey pick one up it might just satisfy having something in your mouth and look fashionable with. I suggest the 7-11 version its about 7 bucks versus the 50 dollar price tag of the rechargeable version.  You just might find that the  latest version of a pet rock is no more than a drain on your pocketbook.  

Energy and Emotion

Misread energy can cause consternation especially for those that we love dearly.  It’s not enough that we have the challenge of verbal communication we are also burdened with the nonverbal as well.  

When we walk around aimlessly without clear intention our body movements and facial expressions can be misinterpreted and processed by our intimates and disturb their what would otherwise be a sense that is all is well or it is as it were should be.  

Paying careful attention is the only method at our conscious disposal to flatten out any anxiety our own random wave pattern may have generated in our significant other.  Love must be tended to on many levels especially those with words unspoken.  

Love Is Not Blind

Love Is Not Blind

It only seems as such when we close our eyes to the things we need to see.  Love is not blind when all the senses that give ignition to the blue flames of love stay on for the duration. No settling back into just how we see the world in just one sense but rather in all 5, 6 or even 7 senses if we include the universal mind as the ultimate sense. In this way we don’t miss a thing. And the little noises of everyday life get noticed rather than not heard, seen or worse yet ignored. There is no time like the present to pay attention because when we fell in love in the first place something must have been right or maybe our love was just blind to begin with. 

Love is not blind when we are cognizant of our own shortcomings and character defects and don’t take inventory of the one we fell in love with when things start to go South of the Equator. We identify with each other’s feelings, validate them even if we disagree about how we feel about them. When we lose our place it’s usually because something just doesn’t fit our natural tendency to be selfish and egocentric. Often the old adage is apropos taking a walk in your lover’s shoes before you rush to judgment about how life’s little tasks should be done. Love is not blind except if we choose to see things with only one eye open and lose perspective of true loves panorama on the big screen. 

 Love is not blind except when we allow jealousy, loves assassin in the bathroom window.  Jealousy sometimes construed as just being in love and part of love is the most blatant lie of all time.  When we feel that toxic fluid running through our veins we cannot love. It’s just like trying to keep your eyes open when you sneeze. It just can’t be done and can anyone afford the price of jealousy?  The cost is just too dear and the reality is that once we shut down love even for the shortest interval the risk is that we go flat line and resuscitation becomes a foregone conclusion and the death knell ensues.  

Love is not blind when we love together and keep our ego from its infantile games of tit for tat, retribution and what hurts most, revenge. The face of love in its most pristine form may not always be syrupy sweet but when we become transparent and lose the agenda of control and manipulation love tastes just fine even if we find ourselves with a few hiccups along the way.   Love is not blind because keeping both eyes open is the only 

way to fly.  

In the Beginning....

In the beginning there always seems to be the hope and the feeling that because someone is loved our own feelings of love will find a way to link our heart to their heart.  A compelling sexual attraction is the common thread that makes us believe in our love even though a wearing away of that dynamic can wash away the emotion of love with it. 

What is it then that keeps us in love with all the key elements: passionate sex, touch, healthy codependence, trust, our own personal freedom, loyalty, confidence, comfort, excitement, and visceral reactions that make us sigh? It takes just as many attributes to keep what we first are blessed with and still maintain the intimacy we all long for.  Some elements that might be important are never to be condescending, never withholding sex, never using words as a weapon, never expect that the other should know what we are thinking, and never do alone what being done together would bring us closer to one another. 

Having common interests although important are simply not enough to keep that blue flame from being extinguished. Nonetheless if we don’t do things together we become isolated and lethargic and the things that we found exciting become work and eventually what made us click turns out the love light and the silent but deadly storm has us seeking comfort in the arms of another. 

The archetype of marriage assumes too many unstated rules that are never clearly communicated and wind up on the cutting room floor when one partner decides to edit part of the script without consulting the other. Monogamy is the most assumed of these unspoken Cardinal Rules and when it is breached the other is ostracized and labeled depraved or a slug that needs to be squashed. Monogamy is thought of always as devotion but too often it is a way to possess another in ways that if averages don’t lie just don’t work for many. Yes it can work for some but it is becoming more and more rare that we humans can have sex with just one person. Whether that is sad or not seems not to matter because it is often true. Ducks do it but just about every other species uses sex for a host of reasons that don’t necessarily include love and devotion.

An open marriage works for some but even here the calculated risk of performing acts of biological intimacy with others requires explicit rules that must be agreed to in advance because deviance from those specifics must not be changed ad hoc lest jealousy, insecurity and fear consume the relationship emotionally.   

Is the key to maintaining longevity in love having the ability to bring in someone else into the boudoir? I asked one strange woman what did she attribute to her long success with her husband? She said: Lots of sex!  Is it that simple? It just might be because when you do it often enough it might be the practice that keeps us paying attention to our partner in ways that can make familiarity something that keeps us from being unfaithful.  Variety is the spice of life as the old cliché goes and now it might be the prime ingredient that cuts down on the divorce rate.