Pharmacology

 As I was finishing up with my new pulmonologist on Thursday, I watched him open his closet that was filled with samples of medicine. There were shelves from head to foot and were the gifts the pharmaceutical company representatives must have given him to distribute to his patients.  He was looking for an inhaler and exclaimed that he would probably have to give me a prescription, as he seemed to be out of that particular brand. No worries however as he scanned the shelves he found another from another equally prestigious company and said here Jack, this should do the trick. What came to mind immediately was that he indeed was the Wizard of Oz.  Just like the cowardly lion who was decorated for courage with a medal, the Tin Man who was administered his clockwork heart and the Scarecrow a diploma for his brain; Jack was given his inhaler to restore his breathing to some sort of order from his bout with asthmatic bronchitis. Since Dorothy wasn’t in the room I didn’t have to feel badly that someone wasn’t going back to Kansas.  

P.S. 

I am feeling better Mr. Wizard!

The Breitling Watch

It has been my belief that people make decisions based on emotion and justify them with logic. When I bought a Breitling watch back in the year 2000 it cost me 3,500 dollars. I justified it by telling myself that I had a wonderful year in production and therefore I deserved it. Telling time was not even on the radar screen because I had many other watches that could have served that purpose. I gave myself a permission slip to own a status symbol and for a couple of years I identified my success with that watch. Now I enjoy it but my emotional attachment to it has all but disappeared. 

Just offhand I can say that my reasoning had no validity, none whatsoever. However let me start with how I arrived at making that decision that I wanted to purchase a Breitling. I had no idea what a Bretiling was until I looked at a collection of watches my friend had. He owned some antique watches from the early part of the 20th century and was mostly of the hand wound variety. He told me that his real desire was to own a Breitling and he showed me some of the models that the company offered. For some reason from that day forward I took his endorsement that this particular watch was the one I had to own. It was a reliable timepiece of course, and even Air Force pilots used some of the models for navigation and obtaining positions via the satellites. This was reason enough for me because I could associate with men that I have always admired, those that flew airplanes. I felt it was a glamorous vocation. 

When I thought I either deserved or needed this watch it measured face validity because it measured my desire to acquire it. However it seemed it was not a supportable validity.  Unfortunately the emotional reasoning I used in making the decision to buy this expensive item had no construct validity. I suppose however that it had criterion validity for me because it made me feel satisfied.  Since this was a unilateral decision there was no other sample for me to measure against except for the feeling that my peers treat themselves in similar fashion. As I sported this watch in the company of my business associates however they barely noticed my pride because they were as self absorbed as I was. 

Tramp Steamer

The tramp steamer is an icon I often identify with in spirit.  The ship has no particular route that is pre ordained. It is an ad hoc existence.  There is something to be said for days not planned in advance wherein the best laid plans go awry anyway. With this flexibility comes the ability to move more freely in situations that don’t necessarily have boilerplate responses to. There’s no script included so bias has less chance of tainting the proceedings like a corked bottle of wine.  

A Pair of Diaphanous Tights

What is noteworthy to me is that my affection for my friend Debbie in spin class has me shying away from looking at her posterior which becomes quite visible through the diaphanous material that is her tights.   It makes me realize that I have no lust issue with her and that my admiration is not based on the male animal in me. I do like her, but not in the typical male fashion.  Maybe it is just my age, and marriage notwithstanding, but I am able to discern what might be a great bed partner to a woman whose feelings I have are more sibling like. In other words, I do not lust after her in my mind. It’s amusing because she is a beautiful woman but she does not engage my visceral sexual interest.  I like that a lot.

The Evil Men Do To Themselves

Men answer phones at home, drive, take out the garbage and take the lead in the bedroom.  What do women of today still want men to do?

Let’s take a check on what men still cannot do.  Men can still not exhibit the full range of emotions that women can do and still do.  So men are still restricted to emotional boundaries.  For example men are still not allowed to come apart at the seams when things don’t go right.  Most liberated heterosexual women still want their men to “man up” in situations women do not have to adhere to and can still feign as part of being exclusively female.  

It’s so amazing that we have to give up so much ground socially and economically but we have to hold up the antiquated archetype of masculine strength when women can simply fold their tents and cry.  It’s time for us to take a page out of the female bible of emotional independence.  Women have a virtual free pass on emotional expression.  Men do not and of course that is changing but not fast enough.  The double standard has to end and it has to end now.  The gender gap has narrowed considerably but only when it’s convenient and profitable monetarily and socially by our distaffed counterparts.  

It’s not just about emotion it’s also how we can ditch the competitive mind that we were forced to wear growing up and had drilled into our heads by our well intentioned parents. Competition leads to the dog eat dog world theory that creates the unnecessary stress that winds up killing us prematurely, and our call back to ashes. We have the power to change the competitive mind to the creative mind. It takes the world of scarcity and transforms it to a universe of abundance.  Men can become liberated and still hold doors open for women if they’re so inclined. By the way women still love that

The Power of Persuasion

When I take down the façade that is my open persona I can be just Jack. I am a man that has finally found his passion that’s outside the bedroom.  I have always wanted to be free of the stigma that I was eccentric but now I embrace it as part of the fact that it belongs with my charisma.  Charisma is seen in the eyes of the beholder, and it can be seen in a person’s wake after they’ve been someplace.  I have been blessed with the power of persuasion and at times it gets me in trouble because I underestimate its true power. Most of the time I just don’t give much credence to just how much gravity convincing words can be when added to intonation and passion.

It has taken me many places the power of persuasion, I have been to the basement to the penthouse and back again.  It seems to matter most when I am fighting for my life and the least when I’m on the elevator up.  That has to change both in intensity and perspective.

Eccentric and Charismatic

I opened an email from a peripherally close friend of mine last night and I was struck by his salutation and comment: Good night my eccentric and charismatic friend. I thought for a moment and realized this was not throw away dialogue. He has known me for over 15 years and has observed and interacted with me on a deeply consistent basis and he knows all too well my strengths and frailties.  

Eccentric and charismatic, these two words more than most, if one was restricted to two words to describe me, probably embody my personality better than any other two words chosen with exacting care.  Charisma, I have always thought I was blessed with that gift, but just like the word deserve, I am hesitant to use that semantic when I am describing myself. I would prefer to leave that assessment to come from the mouths of significant others that know me more intimately.

Growing up I always thought of myself as shy and withdrawn, but by the 5th grade whenever I danced the twist, I had a huge circle around me, taking in my translation of the dance craze that had swept the nation.  The ability to ‘dance’ must have been inherited from my maternal grandfather, because his nickname was ‘crazy legs’. This secret charisma did not appear in my consciousness again until I was 30 years old and could be found dancing the night away at my favorite disco haunts, where I put on my one man show on a parquet dance floor.  Dance was the lead in that gave me the present day ability to speak to virtually any stranger in proximity. Instinctively I can enter a person’s world and can engage them in short and lasting confabs as if they were scripted from a handcrafted teleplay. That in essence displays my charisma, except maybe for the energy I bring to the proceedings in any group exercise or at least if I am to believe what I am told by many. 

The word eccentric however, is a much more esoteric but nonetheless deeply embedded character trait that runs like an estuary in my circulation. Not something I was readily admitting to myself let alone anyone else. However, as I examine the statement my friend made, I have to admit that it is true. For example, I rarely keep my head where my feet are. That was a phrase I often heard in AA but ignored and continue to ignore no matter how much overt attention I pay to it. The word eccentric by definition says that when it comes to a character trait, it means that a person engages in odd and unconventional behavior. Was there ever a definition that suited me better than that description? I don’t think so!  I tend to over think most situations and lend my idiosyncratic thought process to others that never have an inkling to what my mind can conjure up. Eccentric means that I never know where I put things. Some might say that is merely forgetful. Oh no. Why it is eccentric is because no matter how many times I misplace things, and admonish myself about it, I continue to do the same thing expecting different results. This is also a definition of insanity, but I don’t think I have crossed that threshold not yet anyway. I make plans on my social calendar and forget the ones I have made on my business calendar. I cannot seem reconcile that time is time, whether I am engaged in fun or trying to make a living. Eccentric is also what gives me the ability to be charismatic because if I didn’t stand out I wouldn’t be eccentric and vice versa.  

My friend said a mouthful, my eccentric charismatic friend. Thank you M.F.