Energy and Emotion

Misread energy can cause consternation especially for those that we love dearly.  It’s not enough that we have the challenge of verbal communication we are also burdened with the nonverbal as well.  

When we walk around aimlessly without clear intention our body movements and facial expressions can be misinterpreted and processed by our intimates and disturb their what would otherwise be a sense that is all is well or it is as it were should be.  

Paying careful attention is the only method at our conscious disposal to flatten out any anxiety our own random wave pattern may have generated in our significant other.  Love must be tended to on many levels especially those with words unspoken.  

Love Is Not Blind

Love Is Not Blind

It only seems as such when we close our eyes to the things we need to see.  Love is not blind when all the senses that give ignition to the blue flames of love stay on for the duration. No settling back into just how we see the world in just one sense but rather in all 5, 6 or even 7 senses if we include the universal mind as the ultimate sense. In this way we don’t miss a thing. And the little noises of everyday life get noticed rather than not heard, seen or worse yet ignored. There is no time like the present to pay attention because when we fell in love in the first place something must have been right or maybe our love was just blind to begin with. 

Love is not blind when we are cognizant of our own shortcomings and character defects and don’t take inventory of the one we fell in love with when things start to go South of the Equator. We identify with each other’s feelings, validate them even if we disagree about how we feel about them. When we lose our place it’s usually because something just doesn’t fit our natural tendency to be selfish and egocentric. Often the old adage is apropos taking a walk in your lover’s shoes before you rush to judgment about how life’s little tasks should be done. Love is not blind except if we choose to see things with only one eye open and lose perspective of true loves panorama on the big screen. 

 Love is not blind except when we allow jealousy, loves assassin in the bathroom window.  Jealousy sometimes construed as just being in love and part of love is the most blatant lie of all time.  When we feel that toxic fluid running through our veins we cannot love. It’s just like trying to keep your eyes open when you sneeze. It just can’t be done and can anyone afford the price of jealousy?  The cost is just too dear and the reality is that once we shut down love even for the shortest interval the risk is that we go flat line and resuscitation becomes a foregone conclusion and the death knell ensues.  

Love is not blind when we love together and keep our ego from its infantile games of tit for tat, retribution and what hurts most, revenge. The face of love in its most pristine form may not always be syrupy sweet but when we become transparent and lose the agenda of control and manipulation love tastes just fine even if we find ourselves with a few hiccups along the way.   Love is not blind because keeping both eyes open is the only 

way to fly.  

In the Beginning....

In the beginning there always seems to be the hope and the feeling that because someone is loved our own feelings of love will find a way to link our heart to their heart.  A compelling sexual attraction is the common thread that makes us believe in our love even though a wearing away of that dynamic can wash away the emotion of love with it. 

What is it then that keeps us in love with all the key elements: passionate sex, touch, healthy codependence, trust, our own personal freedom, loyalty, confidence, comfort, excitement, and visceral reactions that make us sigh? It takes just as many attributes to keep what we first are blessed with and still maintain the intimacy we all long for.  Some elements that might be important are never to be condescending, never withholding sex, never using words as a weapon, never expect that the other should know what we are thinking, and never do alone what being done together would bring us closer to one another. 

Having common interests although important are simply not enough to keep that blue flame from being extinguished. Nonetheless if we don’t do things together we become isolated and lethargic and the things that we found exciting become work and eventually what made us click turns out the love light and the silent but deadly storm has us seeking comfort in the arms of another. 

The archetype of marriage assumes too many unstated rules that are never clearly communicated and wind up on the cutting room floor when one partner decides to edit part of the script without consulting the other. Monogamy is the most assumed of these unspoken Cardinal Rules and when it is breached the other is ostracized and labeled depraved or a slug that needs to be squashed. Monogamy is thought of always as devotion but too often it is a way to possess another in ways that if averages don’t lie just don’t work for many. Yes it can work for some but it is becoming more and more rare that we humans can have sex with just one person. Whether that is sad or not seems not to matter because it is often true. Ducks do it but just about every other species uses sex for a host of reasons that don’t necessarily include love and devotion.

An open marriage works for some but even here the calculated risk of performing acts of biological intimacy with others requires explicit rules that must be agreed to in advance because deviance from those specifics must not be changed ad hoc lest jealousy, insecurity and fear consume the relationship emotionally.   

Is the key to maintaining longevity in love having the ability to bring in someone else into the boudoir? I asked one strange woman what did she attribute to her long success with her husband? She said: Lots of sex!  Is it that simple? It just might be because when you do it often enough it might be the practice that keeps us paying attention to our partner in ways that can make familiarity something that keeps us from being unfaithful.  Variety is the spice of life as the old cliché goes and now it might be the prime ingredient that cuts down on the divorce rate.     

When the Music's Over

In the middle of chaos it’s hard to hear any melody for the cacophony of anger, hurt, jealousy and the anxiety of impending separation. Relationships are built on sex and destroyed by expectation, false pride and trying to change the one we fell in love with.   

When we start to sing and crow it feels like it will last forever and we believe it in our heart and soul. Then the real work begins and some of us are just not up to the challenge. Oh we do our best at first put our best foot forward and adjust and make compromises but sometimes life on life’s terms becomes too rigid and it is then when we start to break and breakdown. Not all of us are so unlucky because there are many stories in the naked city that make it through the narrow aperture that most relationships simply cannot in the 21st Century.  

It’s easy to look back and see what went wrong because hindsight is 20/20 vision.  The real trick is not to let dust accumulate on our hearts and think that simply time will make the necessary adjustments that every love affair needs.  But just like exercise you can’t just go to the gym once and claim you’re fit. It takes effort. Love is a partnership that requires as much skill and artistry as a Rembrandt painting and if it is fortuitous enough to become sculpture then at least when we do walk away we have a memory that will last forever.  

When the music’s over the lyrics are just as important as the melody and when our song falls off the charts we can always remember it was a hit song.  

Emotional Intuition

Most of us have experienced having a thought cross their minds about a loved one or friend and within a passing moment have that same person call on the telephone. This is emotional intuition.  Now with the popularity of the text message emotional intuition has taken a step into the future and it can now manifest itself into the written word or text message across our 4G phones. 

I have experienced this phenomenon on so many occasions I know it is not a coincidence and since I don’t believe in coincidences anyway emotional intuition is for me apart of everyday life. It is a necessity for me to pay attention to the messages sent via this wireless communication system the universe has in place even before the advent of the telephone or telegraph because the communiqués are often correct even though the message itself may not be. Technology has given emotional intuition an apollonian aspect to it. When we speak on the phone the words disappear in our next breath the text message however is like sculpture the words although deprived of the intonation and emotion the spoken word contains these messages add gravity to words the spoken can never hope to. When we type a text message  we say things we might not ordinarily say when we speak. That’s because we are not distracted when we are not directly talking to another.  But I am straying from my point, which happens when the ghost of Faulkner inhabits me.  

Only today my young friend Heather crossed my mind as I opened my car door for my ride to exercise class. She had told me via text message the night before that she would be attending the 8 o’clock just as I was on this late winter morning. However when I plugged my phone into the charger I was not surprised to see her text only disappointed that she had opted out for this morning’s class. Point being it was her communication that I was energetically picking up but the exact nature of the message was not clear until I read it.   The text message takes these sound bytes from the cosmos and puts them in perfect English (for those of us that can spell) and makes our emotional intuition clear and concise.  

Part II Next Post.

Best Friend Forever

For the first time in decades I have friends in my life.  Not exactly headline news for the common folk but I surreptitiously felt jealous when my acquaintances would say things like she’s my BFF or best friend forever.  

I had two earlier best friends, three if you count my sister Carol but those relationships have long since left me due to time, geography and death.  So was it just my fears that kept me from losing another that kept me from my BFF?  Or was it just my own low self-esteem?  Speculation at this point and has as much meaning as melting snow now. 

I think a lot had to do with just me staying out of my own way and allowing myself to be a man of attraction instead of self-deprecation.  

The Golden Girl

My last best platonic woman friend was my sister Carol but at that time she was just 16. After her passing I never had a female confidant that I could call my own.  Well I had to wait 40 odd years later and at long last I found one. Her name is DJ and as I will not risk her anonymity by mentioning her full name I know in my heart that I have found at least for me a kindred spirit that has no agenda except for my well being and I for hers. 

She might have golden hair and a trademark-descending tendril in spin class that mark her appearance but that is not why I call her The Golden Girl. Neither is the fact that she is a stunning beauty or was a former Prom Queen.   In DJ I have found an open and honest woman with a singular personality that is so authentic she is beyond reproach. But that still doesn’t factor in to why she is The Golden Girl in my eyes. 

DJ is a selfless woman and I can tell that just by the way she talks about her beloved family to which she is extremely devoted. DJ is constantly in motion in their care and if the All American family still exists DJ is the matriarch and cover girl.  Admiration is just one factor I have for her because she exhibits a kind heart that beats openly even for strangers. Never turning away from anyone in a dismissive fashion she always makes time for everyone in propinquity.  

In some ways we think alike. In the way of exercise I think I have met my match. She is well schooled in yoga and trains indefatigably with strength work and fortunately for me spin class.  I met her just about two years ago and I am sure she thought me  a most quirky man as I am even an enigma to myself but little by slowly as we started to communicate non-verbally the basis of friendship began.  She is comfortable in my presence and I in hers trusting that we respect each other’s privacy even though I am making public this small offering.  

I think what makes DJ The Golden Girl is her humility.  Humility is a trait that I have always admired because it says to the world in her case just how comfortable she is in her own skin.  The Golden Girl is beautiful yes but for me she is precious because her friendship is priceless.