Missing the Point

Today I found myself locked in a somewhat garrulous exchange about how I should have shown up for Cycle for Survival. My friend kept insisting despite my thought that charity is a personal choice that it was an obligation on my part to participate in the cause that unites many of us at the health club I belong to.  I tried to explain that for personal reasons I choose to do my part donating platelets for cancer victims. In this way I feel my charity comes from my blood instead of from my pocketbook. I have no quarrel with how anyone chooses to partake in a chosen charity but no one no one can tell me how to do it.  I have explained why I feel Cycle for Survival was not my choice but my friend insisted that I was missing the point. My arrogance was boiling over but instead of letting it scald anyone including myself I held my tongue. 

Maybe I am just too long in the tooth and combined with the fact that I am an alcoholic I resent anyone telling me what I must or should have done. Fact is I have participated in my health club with tremendous enthusiasm especially over the last 3 years. And for anyone to tell me that my absence from that particular gathering was a gaffe on my part seems even to the casual observer overblown. I like to think though that I am open and not closed off to anyone’s opinion but in this case my opinion rules because it’s mine not anyone else’s. 

She's So Mean

 She’s So Mean 

Song and Lyrics by Matchbox 20  

I kn-kn-know a girl
She gets what she wants all the time
Cause she’s fine
But for an angel, she’s a hot, hot mess
Make you so blind
But you don’t mind

Cause she’s an uptown, get-around, anything-goes girl
She’s a hardcore, candy-store, give-me-some-more girl

She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)

You kn-kn-know that if you don’t shut your mouth
She’ll freak out
You better get your shit together
Cause she’s bringing you down, now
Yeah, boy, you better, you better

Cause she’s an uptown, get-around, anything-goes girl, girl
She’s a hardcore, candy-store, give-me-some-more girl, girl

She’s got a wicked sense of humor, can’t believe what she says
She drinks Bacardi in the morning till it goes to her head
And all you want is just to hold her, but she don’t go for that
She has a hard time coming when she can’t hit back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)

Every now and then she makes you just a little bit crazy
She’ll turn the knife into your back and then she’s calling you ‘baby’
Crazy

She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
Yeah, you want her
Yeah, I know how you want her, but she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?

We all know a girl like that or maybe a guy like that. Someone that is ostensibly one to stay away from but fortunately-unfortunately for us we are strangely drawn to.  Could it be its because they are so unlike what we think we are like? Or do they possess those character defects-assets we wish we had or had the balls to lay claim to. 

And don’t we just know that they always seem to be able to get away with it? We say God if we had the audacity to even do or say half the things they do we would have our head handed to us or have our mouths washed out with soap. What is it about them? Is it just their charisma? Their devil may care attitude? Or is it that they just know what they want and they’re not afraid to go and get it? Can we take a page out of their book? That’s the real acid test because if we do dare to be devil may care we have to have the gonads to see it all the way through and not be shrinking violets when the words of protest from those that know and love us will undoubtedly be spoken. We have to be convincing if we ever have any hope of pulling off what we secretly want to be able to. Of course it’s jumping outside the proverbial box but the payoff could be huge. Consider the downside and if you think you’re prepared then take the leap off the diving board headfirst. You know you want to.  

Charity: A Contrarian View

I have been torn about registering for Cycle for Survival 2013 mainly because I think we have lost perspective on why we support this event in the first place. Two years ago when I first went and participated that Saturday morning in Roslyn I was so captivated emotionally.  It was an assault on the senses I will never forget. We were all there united for a cause I frankly hadn’t known about: Rare Cancers. I covered it one of my blogs and I felt great about my donation as I did about being and cycling with many of the wonderful friends I have met because of spin.  

I talked about my feelings with someone deeply involved in this charity and he felt last year it had lost some of magic of the year prior and since I move intuitively it just confirmed what I felt and why I won’t spin this year. No its not about $ because I know that this fund raiser is essential for many people struck with this killer.  My point is that I will continue to contribute in my own way and that is to donate platelets once a month. I know that I am helping cancer patients with no fanfare  while we wait for the cure.  Cancer is not only a killer it’s also a big business and the latter part makes me sad.  For those that are participating I will keep you in my prayers but for me I will just roll up my sleeves instead.  

It’s unfortunate that charities in this country have become a cottage industry and worse yet it has become a competition about who can raise the most money. Everyone has a cause and we feel compelled to contribute to every one of them. It’s big business and they play on our emotions instead of placing more focus on raising funds in a more congruent way. Every time I go to Petco they ask me for a donation off my debit card or you go to Publix it’s the same thing.  Charities become an emblem for big companies too. Those employed there feel obligated to contribute via payroll deduction. Charity is  a personal decision and some make it so public we feel embarrassed if we don’t throw money at the problem. I know charity is essential but there must be a better way to administer money to those that need it rather than all these emotional ploys that leave us feeling guilty instead of feeling good.  

Dark Corners

Some things are better left unsaid is a cliché I used to hear many years ago when I was growing up as a child of the 60’s. We were much more accepting back then keeping things in the dark. We spoke in hushed tones or not at all about anything that didn’t suit what was considered outside the “norm” of human behavior. The 21st Century of course is a world apart where little is left to the imagination in terms of what might be kept private in a dark corner and what isn’t. 

The court of public opinion still using morals of the 20th Century is quick to try and convict those in high places and hold them out for ridicule without a consciousness of what needs to stay private. The media is forever anxious to explore every dark corner of a person’s life.  They gather information often in a scurrilous fashion that is only used to break people down in terms of their stature and then build them back again if there’s a story in it.  

Everyone has a dark corner things and situations that we are either not proud of or embarrassed about. Everybody plays the fool there’s no exception to the rule* as the lyrics to a 70’s song once filled the airwaves. Why are we so infatuated with looking at people especially celebrities in times of distress, in flagrante delicto   or their latest brush with alcohol or drugs? Mostly its because we want to feel superior to those we think have it better than we do. It is indeed a sad state of affairs when we can’t help looking in dark corners. If we looked in the shadow of our own lives we might not be so quick to judge others.  

*The Main Ingredient, 1972.

12/12/12

I just had to use that as a title because we will never see that date configuration ever again. Something about numbers that’s always-intrigued and  last year gave me my favorite: 11/11/11.  It doesn’t amount to a hill of beans but have you noticed that people aren’t referring to the year now as 2 thousand and something? It’s Twenty Twelve now. I like that better too it just sounds cleaner if that makes any sense. 

Have you ever looked at the clock speaking of numbers and seen the time 1111? I call it picket fence time or its little brother little picket fence time 111?  More silly nonsense but why not we have enough to grieve and complain about in this now the 4th year of a modern day depression.  

It’s less than 2 weeks until Christmas and 12/12/12 reminds me I have done very little holiday shopping. What about you?  

The Forbidden Frontier

Throughout the past 150 plus years or so the push for equality has made some frontiers disappear one by one. When Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves it started a snowball effect that emancipated those restrained by prejudice and human bondage.    

When suffragettes were lobbying for the vote the male of the species scoffed at such an idea. Never underestimate the power of the female because not only did they get the vote they are on the precipice of ruling the world taking the power away from their now emasculated male counterparts.  I never liked Gloria Steinem but one has to admire what she stood for and although she was ostracized at first she has made equality commonplace for women. Some of the tradeoffs for equality have had some deleterious affects for some women and as the old adage goes: be careful what you wish for.  

People of color have had many renaissances since Mister Lincoln changed the map for them. Jackie Robinson more than just a baseball player started the financial revolution for minorities and even though prejudice fought them every inch of the way we have a sitting African American in the White House fulfilling Martin Luther Kings dream speech beyond even his wildest hallucination.   

Gays and lesbian men and women also suffered violence of the highest magnitude. But even after the period of brutality they endured ended they still had to bear the brunt of a deep-seated prejudice and for many years withstood their own version of second-class citizenship. Now that has changed and same sex relationships are accepted without much fanfare and the once outrageous thought of same sex marriage is now favored in this country by a whopping 53%. A thought that was most unthinkable even in the late 20th Century. The sitting President has changed his mind on this subject also. Some said it was a flip-flop. I think it was more like evolution. 

Even on the world stage in 1947 the State of Israel was formed and the phrase: Let my people go fulfilled a dream of nearly 3,500 years ago.  Now the idea of a Palestinian state doesn’t seem a wild-eyed notion anymore. But who is next?  

There is a group we will start to hear more and more about.  Those people both men and women who are devoted to a practice called Polyamory. They believe in the idea that some relationships can include more than one sexual partner. How can this be? Not an easy lifestyle to even cogitate but some doctrines of Polyamory are spiritual in nature. There’s no such thing as clandestine affairs in Polyamory because all partners know in advance who might be sleeping with who (if that is included in the arrangement) and as a result there might be a tad less divorces to add to the statistics.  Even though Polyamory doesn’t eliminate divorce or jealousy it goes a long way in making full disclosure part of every human relationship contract.  The Forbidden Frontier, one by one they disappear until as we as a species live without prejudice.  

Happy Birthday Robin Roberts

This Black Friday  I happened to  catch GMA.  I watched a musical vignette led off by Stevie Wonder singing his now iconic Happy Birthday song. As the music played images of exuberant loving fans including viewers, co-workers and several celebrities flashed signs and sang along with Stevie.  

I confess that I never watch Good Morning America and I know very little of Robin Roberts one of the co-hosts of the ABC show now on sabbatical for health reasons. What did strike me however as the music played was how the tears started to fill my eyes. The reflection of love these people have for Robin Roberts was transmuted across the screen and I instantly felt a connection to this beloved former athlete and TV personality in the faces of those that carry her close to their hearts. 

Authentic emotions are one of the gifts we humans can share with each other and for this human I felt it for Robin Roberts.