The Silver Lining

I once saw a Disney movie as a kid starring Haley Mills* called Pollyanna and I know that to go through life thinking things will all turn out right might be unrealistic to some. Bad things do happen but that doesn’t mean that we should ever try to anticipate them. Life on life’s terms will always be part of the journey. And when those things like personal tragedy, death and dissolution of relationships threaten our very happiness take solace that there is always a silver lining. 

My brother in law had lost touch with his family for over a decade and as it often happens in relationships it was over something trivial which he couldn’t even recall in the present day. Life being temporary he lost his father and through that sadness he came to be with his family once again and now they talk everyday. No matter what happens the true message emerges we just have to have faith and patience that it will show up eventually. That silver lining. 

* Hayley Mills imdb.com

Intimacy

What are the qualities of intimacy we share with another human being? What comes to mind first is of course physical intimacy. It manifests itself in many forms from as trivial as casual sex to the deeper intimacies we share with those we love. The act of sex is a gift of procreation but our Higher Power saw fit to attach the pleasure principle, which drives each and every one of us to different degrees at different times in our lives. 

In order to commune with another on this level requires a mindset that encompasses all the emotions that are beyond the physical satisfaction our bodies offer to each other. After all making love is but a small part of our day it is the other 96% of our lives that improprieties in our sex life wreak havoc that can leave us with fear, frustration, anger, mistrust and misunderstanding. We need to know all the ramifications the ground rules and expectations with our partner. We cannot assume we know based on the court of public opinion. The assumption of “you should know’ doesn’t hold in the 21st Century we need to communicate with our partner about exclusivity and what constitutes fidelity and what infidelity is. The answer may seem obvious to some but not necessarily. 

I heard somewhere the expression that “a kiss is not a contract”. Too many of us assume that once we go to bed with someone we have an instant relationship. Intercourse becomes the blanket we choose to cover ourselves under that claims we now have intimacy with this person. We may have been intimate but intimacy requires a lot more effort than completing a successful sex act. More…

Say Goodbye

When we depart this world we leave behind the love we made for those that remain.  

My Catheter Ablation

The seminal moment came when I decided about 8 weeks ago to try the catheter ablation just once more. My Doctor wasn’t successful in 2003 and I never thought I would consider another attempt. Something call it a voice from beyond inexorably drew me to Saint Francis that late morning in early spring.  And when I consulted Doctor Joseph Levine again he assured me that the technology had changed so drastically in the last decade he felt without guarantees that I would be free of my A-fib. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was not prepared to live the rest of my life on meds and feeling so less than my natural exuberant self. Some days I just had no get up and go. No desire no enthusiasm. A couple of years ago I would only have these “events” once a month. Lately though they were happening every day without warning. At first I thought I could ‘exercise’ through it but that was like playing with dynamite loaded dice bound to come up snake eyes. * 

For those that don’t know A-fib it’s an irregular and often rapid heartbeat that can have you living a nightmare. There would be times I’d be sitting on my couch watching a game and my normal HR of about 48 would shoot up to 138 in a blink. My neck and chest would start to throb uncontrollably and I could actually see my body vibrate.  I never got used to the fact that however remote that maybe this time the lights might go out. But my Higher Power was watching and I intuitively knew that I had more to do before God called me home. 

Medications worked for a little while I was taking beta blockers and for a time they seemed to do the trick but in the end all they wound up doing was lowering my already low heart rate at times into the 30s and left me light headed. Don’t play around with this if you have a similar condition. The statistics show that A-fib patients are 5 times more likely to have a stroke.  Those figures might end up being small but ask your family if you think you should take a chance.  Catheter ablations aren’t the panacea but besides medication and holistic alternatives the chances that you can be ‘cured’ rank up near 80%. I liked those odds. And I couldn’t help but think that my life would be shortened if I didn’t take that second shot. 

The procedure itself didn’t take long but the preparation was more arduous on the sub conscious at least that is how it was for me.  I knew that I would wake up out of my twilight when the procedure was over but whenever the heart is concerned I wasn’t going to be cavalier about it. I was well scared.  The procedure itself has the hospital staff inserting a probe a catheter into your blood vessel via the groin and it is then guided into the atrium of your heart in a non-invasive procedure.  They send radio waves that burn the inner wall and scar those where the irregular heartbeats are occurring. In my case I went into A-fib during the procedure as if God was showing Dr. Levine just where the spot was.  

I knew as I was rolling out of the procedure room that I was cured. There was just no doubt in my mind that I had made the right decision. I always say that in terms of human years at 63 ‘the stick is getting shorter’ but with the ablation behind me I just added a few inches. Now I feel like my heart is 45 again and when I climb the stairs I am winded no more.  

Today I have visions of being fitter than I’ve been in 20 years and without those confounded beta-blockers my metabolism might have gotten a shot in the arm. I am so grateful and the paradigm shift of a lifetime has just begun.  

*Snake Eyes:  A roll of two dice in which both show 1. 

Mike Ryan Part II

 Outside of my spin blogs I have never had the occasion to revisit any of the talented trainers and instructors at Equinox Woodbury. Mike Ryan however needs a second look. I must make the disclaimer that I have never had the pleasure to work with Mike as a trainer directly but vicariously I know his work because I get to witness it, as he is one of the busiest Personal Trainers at the club. I have overheard him whilst engaging in exercise on the floor on my own. I try to stay in earshot of his very erudite instruction.  The gems are like polished diamonds they sparkle and resonate. He is a man that is truly singular in nature. Mike imparts never condescends.  Michael is a sentient man with a strength that is truly masculine. I admire him both professionally and personally and that is a combination that gets noticed. I told Mike that his practice is one of attraction not promotion. Not easy in the competitive field he is in but his practice speaks louder than any advertisement because actions always speak louder than words ever could. 

 Have you ever looked at the placard with movable pictures of the various trainers we have at the club to the right of the stairs? I am sure you have. I check the Levels each one has achieved and see who has moved on and who is new.  Now even a Tier 1 would be a coveted designation at any other club but not at EQ. Every one of the trainers are always engaged at stepping up to the next level. The highest level is 3+ and I have always asked myself is there a level 4?  I have wondered but never had the inclination to find out. Well I found out. 

Mike shared with me that he is moving on in the fall to the Big Apple still at Equinox of course but not because he requested it but because he was recruited. Remember that question is there a level higher than 3+? Well Michael has achieved the designation of Tier 4. I did ask him was there a 5? He said no. To be recruited by your peers has to be like heaven on earth. Like the cliché goes actions speak louder than words. Good luck Mike we will miss you but your mark here is an indelible one. And to the trainers that remain I am sure your inspiration will carry on through them.  

What Me Worry

Why spend any time worrying? It simply has no payoff. Worry can’t solve anything and being in angst is a pure waste of time. So next time I start to worry I will remember just that and imagine that whatever it is I’m worried about will turn out right instead. And even if it doesn’t turn out as I would like to imagine at least I didn’t waste time thinking about it.  

I'm Addicted

I’m addicted to the story in my head that I script from science fiction even though I hate the tale I continue to let the voices of fear spout.