Stuck on 2:30

Wouldn’t it be nice to have time stand still? Especially when we are enjoying the moment of serenity or that pink cloud that seems to fly past in the blink of an eye.  I watched such a clock this week and found it fascinating allegory to witness time passing and yet standing still. The second hand swept in its usual arc around the dial while the minute hand stood stock still freezing the time that read 2:30. A great time too 2:30 it always gives you time to finish what’s needed to be done before the bewitching 5 o’clock chime brings a halt to the business day in most circles. 

If time could stand still what would we do in the 25th hour?  Would we scurry about finishing errands that we have put off?  Would we sleep an extra hour or just luxuriate in bed with our loved one?  Would we take that time to visit the gym we have been promising ourselves since time immemorial?  How about reading, writing or maybe meditating? I would like to think that I would try listening to my heart and explaining the translation to my brain the words and emotions that I have conveniently held in abeyance for some moment in time that never seems to queue itself.  So often my grey cells get the better of good judgment and keep me asleep to a quickening pulse that is alerting me to the tasks at hand.  

What would we really do if time stood still?  Would we let the tasks that normally transpire in the 24 allotted to just take more time to do and use up the hour as if it became part of the landscape and missed the opportunities it would present us with? We can ponder this fantasy ad infinitum because of course it will never be but it might give us pause for thought of compressing some of our other blank spaces into times filled with experiences that bring us to our knees and give thanks for the other 23.  

Stuck on 2:30.  A great time for reflection about a time well spent.  

  

Variety is the Spice of Life

In the beginning there always seems to be the hope and the feeling that because someone is loved our own feelings of love will find a way to link our heart to their heart.  A compelling sexual attraction is the common thread that makes us believe in our love even though a wearing away of that dynamic can wash away the emotion of love with it. 

What is it then that keeps us in love with all the key elements: passionate sex, touch, healthy codependence, trust, our own personal freedom, loyalty, confidence, comfort, excitement, and visceral reactions that make us sigh? It takes just as many attributes to keep what we first are blessed with and still maintain the intimacy we all long for.  Some elements that might be important are never to be condescending, never withholding sex, never using words as a weapon, never expect that the other should know what we are thinking, and never do alone what being done together would bring us closer to one another. 

Having common interests although important are simply not enough to keep that blue flame from being extinguished. Nonetheless if we don’t do things together we become isolated and lethargic and the things that we found exciting become work and eventually what made us click turns out the love light and the silent but deadly storm has us seeking comfort in the arms of another. 

The archetype of marriage assumes too many unstated rules that are never clearly communicated and wind up on the cutting room floor when one partner decides to edit part of the script without consulting the other. Monogamy is the most assumed of these unspoken Cardinal Rules and when it is breached the other is ostracized and labeled depraved or a slug that needs to be squashed. Monogamy is thought of always as devotion but too often it is a way to possess another in ways that if averages don’t lie just don’t work for many. Yes it can work for some but it is becoming more and more rare that we humans can have sex with just one person. Whether that is sad or not seems not to matter because it is often true. Ducks do it but just about every other species uses sex for a host of reasons that don’t necessarily include love and devotion.

An open marriage works for some but even here the calculated risk of performing acts of biological intimacy with others requires explicit rules that must be agreed to in advance because deviance from those specifics must not be changed ad hoc lest jealousy, insecurity and fear consume the relationship emotionally.   

Is the key to maintaining longevity in love having the ability to bring in someone else into the boudoir? I asked one strange woman what did she attribute to her long success with her husband? She said: Lots of sex!  Is it that simple? It just might be because when you do it often enough it might be the practice that keeps us paying attention to our partner in ways that can make familiarity something that keeps us from being unfaithful.  Variety is the spice of life as the old cliché goes and now it might be the prime ingredient that cuts down on the divorce rate.     

The Text Message Part II

Now it is important to propose the antithetical point of view of the text message and there are at least two camps.  The first being the establishment which has now dubbed the new acronym: DWT or driving while texting. Police in some states can hand out fines of $150.00 and this new fine has served to be a great source of revenue for state coffers.  Of course this is not mentioning the severe danger that DWT presents. Even at a light when you think you have time it is not safe and if caught you will receive the same fine. It is a compulsion that we must resist and yours truly is a major offender. The statistics in my age category find that only 2% of guys like me text while driving. And insurance companies will look at your text time stamps and compare it to when an accident occurs. 

The second opposing view is that the text message can lead to disjointed confabs, misunderstanding of what is said and more importantly how it is interpreted. We can easily add emotions to words that the texter never intended and arguments and hurt feelings can ensue.  These are but two and I am sure there are more opposing views to the text message but you get the idea. Part III is up next and you might be surprised what I have uncovered here.    

The Text Message Part I

Never in the history of the Internet Age has one form of communication had the same affect on us all as the Text Message. Instant messaging and of course email were the precursors to this 21st Century phenomena that carries more than just words for our eyes to scan and our hearts and minds to flutter over.  

The spoken word is still the most expedient mode of expressing what our mind purports to pretend what we are thinking when we open our mouth and watch words disappear like the condensation of our breath on a cold wintry morning.  But words leave our consciousness as quickly as they are uttered unless we hear words of love or on a bad day admonitions from those that lay claim to have power over us. But the text message is the true wonder of the age. 

Not only do ‘texts’ stay with us longer than the spoken word but it also lays claim to a weight that brings meaning to words as they were originally intended. We look at the typed phrases and a sentence across our 4G phones and our mind slows to a snails pace as we now read instead of merely listen. Listening is one skill we humans fail miserably at but when we read to ourselves the internal dialogue we speak resonates with our third chakra like words from another never could. In essence we pay stricter attention to what we are saying to ourselves even though we are not saying it. 

The Archetype of Marriage

One of the great things about being sober is having the privilege to restore relationships that were broken beyond repair.  Such was the case today as I visited my ex-wife to chat with her about her finances. Our relationship did not last as man and wife but maybe we have something that can outlive most matrimonial bonds. We have a mutual respect and regard for each other and that sometimes can get lost in archetype of marriage. We get possessive and start to rely on traditional unspoken agreements that often can pull us apart, like sexual exclusivity or a man being the provider or that the woman will bear children.  

Marriage is not for everyone and although we are brought up for the most part believing that it is a lot of people that shouldn’t be married do and that is one reason why there are so many blended families in this and other countries. I know that for me I always had a reason why I got married and at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. However, what can seem like the right thing at one point can disintegrate over time and space. And personally I think that I became unconscious to what my wives needed and more importantly what I needed. I am not here to debate those reasons but only to say that adapting to a spouses style and expectations can often find the other has lost their individuality only to rediscover it later into a field of disillusionment and a feeling of being trapped. 

Love in Atrophy

Love often presents itself with many conundrums one being that it needs to be exercised with consistency else the muscle of cupid’s gift gets atrophied.  We fall in love and maybe we sign a document that brings testament to the music our heartstrings play. But too often we let that bow dry out and don’t keep enough tension on those strings to ensure the notes play in the right pitch and make the music our union first intended. 

The Language of Love

Does not always speak in English.  Sometimes it takes on the eloquence of intuition but more likely love manifests itself in the solar plexus. Most might think it resides in the heart but the solar plexus gives me the most visceral of all feelings.  When you love someone it starts in the throat and radiates downward.  The heart is the mythical residence of love because it sells Valentine’s Day cards.

  We don’t always feel love for the one we love but that doesn’t mean that we don’t love them.  Once in awhile the feeling of love takes in hibernation as a retreat from itself because love can be  like a sharp knife it can cut and cut deep.  When love makes us bleed the one way the the wound  is healed is by  hiding beneath the rock of temporary numbness. 

The language of Love is still spoken in English when we say I love you but we all know that even when it’s unspoken it’s still the most powerful force on earth.