The Best Things In Life Are Free

How is it that surrounded  in the force fed air of the  material world do we forget that the best things in life are free. It's not in  the trappings of bulging bank accounts does happiness exist. For money can bring us the rentals of luxury but when God calls us home none of those trinkets accompany us  into the ground or into the urn from the crematorium.
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The best things in life are free. The human touch, a kiss, a held hand, a glance from a loved one and a knowing smile. These gifts we share everyday and no price tag can be pulled from them.
When we cry for help and its answered I know that the best things in life are free.

The Silver Lining

I once saw a Disney movie as a kid starring Haley Mills* called Pollyanna and I know that to go through life thinking things will all turn out right might be unrealistic to some. Bad things do happen but that doesn’t mean that we should ever try to anticipate them. Life on life’s terms will always be part of the journey. And when those things like personal tragedy, death and dissolution of relationships threaten our very happiness take solace that there is always a silver lining. 

My brother in law had lost touch with his family for over a decade and as it often happens in relationships it was over something trivial which he couldn’t even recall in the present day. Life being temporary he lost his father and through that sadness he came to be with his family once again and now they talk everyday. No matter what happens the true message emerges we just have to have faith and patience that it will show up eventually. That silver lining. 

* Hayley Mills imdb.com

Intimacy

What are the qualities of intimacy we share with another human being? What comes to mind first is of course physical intimacy. It manifests itself in many forms from as trivial as casual sex to the deeper intimacies we share with those we love. The act of sex is a gift of procreation but our Higher Power saw fit to attach the pleasure principle, which drives each and every one of us to different degrees at different times in our lives. 

In order to commune with another on this level requires a mindset that encompasses all the emotions that are beyond the physical satisfaction our bodies offer to each other. After all making love is but a small part of our day it is the other 96% of our lives that improprieties in our sex life wreak havoc that can leave us with fear, frustration, anger, mistrust and misunderstanding. We need to know all the ramifications the ground rules and expectations with our partner. We cannot assume we know based on the court of public opinion. The assumption of “you should know’ doesn’t hold in the 21st Century we need to communicate with our partner about exclusivity and what constitutes fidelity and what infidelity is. The answer may seem obvious to some but not necessarily. 

I heard somewhere the expression that “a kiss is not a contract”. Too many of us assume that once we go to bed with someone we have an instant relationship. Intercourse becomes the blanket we choose to cover ourselves under that claims we now have intimacy with this person. We may have been intimate but intimacy requires a lot more effort than completing a successful sex act. More…

Say Goodbye

When we depart this world we leave behind the love we made for those that remain.  

My Catheter Ablation

The seminal moment came when I decided about 8 weeks ago to try the catheter ablation just once more. My Doctor wasn’t successful in 2003 and I never thought I would consider another attempt. Something call it a voice from beyond inexorably drew me to Saint Francis that late morning in early spring.  And when I consulted Doctor Joseph Levine again he assured me that the technology had changed so drastically in the last decade he felt without guarantees that I would be free of my A-fib. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was not prepared to live the rest of my life on meds and feeling so less than my natural exuberant self. Some days I just had no get up and go. No desire no enthusiasm. A couple of years ago I would only have these “events” once a month. Lately though they were happening every day without warning. At first I thought I could ‘exercise’ through it but that was like playing with dynamite loaded dice bound to come up snake eyes. * 

For those that don’t know A-fib it’s an irregular and often rapid heartbeat that can have you living a nightmare. There would be times I’d be sitting on my couch watching a game and my normal HR of about 48 would shoot up to 138 in a blink. My neck and chest would start to throb uncontrollably and I could actually see my body vibrate.  I never got used to the fact that however remote that maybe this time the lights might go out. But my Higher Power was watching and I intuitively knew that I had more to do before God called me home. 

Medications worked for a little while I was taking beta blockers and for a time they seemed to do the trick but in the end all they wound up doing was lowering my already low heart rate at times into the 30s and left me light headed. Don’t play around with this if you have a similar condition. The statistics show that A-fib patients are 5 times more likely to have a stroke.  Those figures might end up being small but ask your family if you think you should take a chance.  Catheter ablations aren’t the panacea but besides medication and holistic alternatives the chances that you can be ‘cured’ rank up near 80%. I liked those odds. And I couldn’t help but think that my life would be shortened if I didn’t take that second shot. 

The procedure itself didn’t take long but the preparation was more arduous on the sub conscious at least that is how it was for me.  I knew that I would wake up out of my twilight when the procedure was over but whenever the heart is concerned I wasn’t going to be cavalier about it. I was well scared.  The procedure itself has the hospital staff inserting a probe a catheter into your blood vessel via the groin and it is then guided into the atrium of your heart in a non-invasive procedure.  They send radio waves that burn the inner wall and scar those where the irregular heartbeats are occurring. In my case I went into A-fib during the procedure as if God was showing Dr. Levine just where the spot was.  

I knew as I was rolling out of the procedure room that I was cured. There was just no doubt in my mind that I had made the right decision. I always say that in terms of human years at 63 ‘the stick is getting shorter’ but with the ablation behind me I just added a few inches. Now I feel like my heart is 45 again and when I climb the stairs I am winded no more.  

Today I have visions of being fitter than I’ve been in 20 years and without those confounded beta-blockers my metabolism might have gotten a shot in the arm. I am so grateful and the paradigm shift of a lifetime has just begun.  

*Snake Eyes:  A roll of two dice in which both show 1. 

Mike Ryan Part II

 Outside of my spin blogs I have never had the occasion to revisit any of the talented trainers and instructors at Equinox Woodbury. Mike Ryan however needs a second look. I must make the disclaimer that I have never had the pleasure to work with Mike as a trainer directly but vicariously I know his work because I get to witness it, as he is one of the busiest Personal Trainers at the club. I have overheard him whilst engaging in exercise on the floor on my own. I try to stay in earshot of his very erudite instruction.  The gems are like polished diamonds they sparkle and resonate. He is a man that is truly singular in nature. Mike imparts never condescends.  Michael is a sentient man with a strength that is truly masculine. I admire him both professionally and personally and that is a combination that gets noticed. I told Mike that his practice is one of attraction not promotion. Not easy in the competitive field he is in but his practice speaks louder than any advertisement because actions always speak louder than words ever could. 

 Have you ever looked at the placard with movable pictures of the various trainers we have at the club to the right of the stairs? I am sure you have. I check the Levels each one has achieved and see who has moved on and who is new.  Now even a Tier 1 would be a coveted designation at any other club but not at EQ. Every one of the trainers are always engaged at stepping up to the next level. The highest level is 3+ and I have always asked myself is there a level 4?  I have wondered but never had the inclination to find out. Well I found out. 

Mike shared with me that he is moving on in the fall to the Big Apple still at Equinox of course but not because he requested it but because he was recruited. Remember that question is there a level higher than 3+? Well Michael has achieved the designation of Tier 4. I did ask him was there a 5? He said no. To be recruited by your peers has to be like heaven on earth. Like the cliché goes actions speak louder than words. Good luck Mike we will miss you but your mark here is an indelible one. And to the trainers that remain I am sure your inspiration will carry on through them.  

What Me Worry

Why spend any time worrying? It simply has no payoff. Worry can’t solve anything and being in angst is a pure waste of time. So next time I start to worry I will remember just that and imagine that whatever it is I’m worried about will turn out right instead. And even if it doesn’t turn out as I would like to imagine at least I didn’t waste time thinking about it.  

I'm Addicted

I’m addicted to the story in my head that I script from science fiction even though I hate the tale I continue to let the voices of fear spout.  

True Blue Love

I used to confuse sentiment with love. We have all experienced fond and more than fond golden moments with people we have loved but that’s not necessarily true love. It can be part of love but when you have to harken back to the past as a source of love then maybe it’s not the same thing as being in love. 

Being in love means great pain. Because the object that person we are in love with is going to disappoint us or we them at some point. It’s inevitable and to think otherwise is just nonsense. How many of us have fair weather friends? People we get along with but at the first sign of a disagreement or not Seeing Eye to eye we excise them from our lives or they do the same to us. Love is no different. True love has to be unconditional for it to be everlasting. Till death do us part not if you do this or that it’s over? Arguments are healthy because it is through them we can establish boundaries and “map” our feelings clearly to our most significant other. (MSO) If we could read each other’s mind we might be able to avoid this painful experience but until then blissful love brings heartache too. I never get used to it but I am not going to give up this feeling no matter what the cost. 

I also think that if you are really meant to end up with someone the universe will accommodate you and the phrase: Whatever comes our way becomes a mantra instead of just a wish when we blow out candles. What is the blissful part of being together? Some say it’s great sex and that the flame never goes out with true love. What about when you’re apart? When we hear chimes from a text or an email and our heart skips a beat or our tear ducts start the waterworks are a sure sign you are in love and deep shit as well.  They say love is blind I say no it’s not it’s 20/20 vision because I don’t want to miss a minute of it.  

I don’t worry about being alone because I have been for the most part these past 2 and ½ years it’s just that I don’t want to end up alone. If it’s true love then I won’t be.  

My Inner Voice

As a youngster I would often hear about Women’s Intuition. I never gave it much credence until I started to experience it for myself. I then realized just how this ethereal concept had some substance.  Women have laid claim to this clairvoyance probably because their gender paid attention to their inner voice and men just dismissed it summarily as nothing more than a stray cognition. 

When I came to the realization that men and I in general had the same “talent” inborn I started to pay attention just like my female counterparts did. You know what I’m talking about. Invariably as I would experience an event my memory banks would recall that I had the thought prior to it actually happening. I would think ‘I knew it’ but I never realized that my intuition was at work. Now when someone or some thing starts its journey across the theater of my mind I stop and think is there anything I should do? As I let it remain in my conscious the information takes on a life of its own and I have the choice of acting or just to remain now aware instead of being taken by surprise.   It amazes me that we have this capability that is beyond a definable science like a sneeze or a cough and that that part of the unused 95% of our brain is exercising some of its untapped capability. 

My inner voice is now guiding me unconsciously as well and this I think it's  only the beginning of just how meaningful my intuition really is. There was a book I purchased many years ago but I never got past a few pages. It was entitled Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain.  I just found it in my archives and have picked this book up again and I am excited about developing this talent further. Now when there’s something I must do I just do but when there is a choice behavior like going to the gym for instance I listen to my ‘inner voice’ because it seems to be very in touch with my body. Then there are the forces of nature that intervene as well and I pay attention too. 

My inner voice is part of my personality and I am getting to know just a bit better. 

The Sentient Man

I seem to think I may have touched on this subject some years ago but since it just popped in my head let me see where it takes me. 21st Century man has abandoned his “hunter” role and exchanged it for equality with the distaffed members of his world. Women can do just about anything men can and in certain cases just plain better if we are to believe all of America’s pundits. Be that as it may practical adjustments not only needed to be made but in certain instances men were forced to make wholesale changes. 

If we leave off controversy and accept the new society it doesn’t mean we men give up our masculinity it just means we have to use more guile instead of brute force. As the sentient man I love that. Obtaining anything by sheer force will usually leave the hunted with resentment and at the first sign of trouble they look to escape rather than remain in our company. I have found that the more freedom the female feels they have they’re lest apt to get lost in the rain. . Let the horses run free and with no corral you just might find they roam even less and become galvanized in heart mind and body.  If you truly love someone as the old cliché goes you will let them go. This attitude is not one of indifference quite the contrary it is the more loving way. Anything else is egocentric, selfish and a graphic lack of confidence. Let women continue to feel the need to be possessive we as sentient men can drop that from our repertoire. God does that work well.  

 I have found that women love their men to be confident and be able to make “command decisions” when a softer approach just won’t cut it. Women like to have it both ways these days they still want us to continue to open doors, show gentlemanly deference whenever they present us with their demure side but hell hath no fury if you tell a woman she can’t do something. Instead of folding our tents this is our opportunity to “man up” and retake our masculine role. They might object but some if not most will love you all the more for it. No matter how high a woman may rise in the corporate world they still want their men to be chairman in and out of the boudoir.  It may be a different world out there but our gender is in no danger of becoming extinct. 

The sentient man fits rather nicely into the world of equality because we as civilized men don’t have to roar as so many women are claiming the need to. Who wants to roar when quieter tones can garner a deeper love and a more powerful allegiance in the most unexpected ways? 

Speak softly and you will find that you don’t even have to carry a stick.  

True Love

The Vortex

Collectively we are in a vortex of technology each waking moment of our lives now. I often tell myself I need to “unplug” for reasons purely of sanity. There is much to be said about how our lives have been permanently altered by our iPhones and Android devices. I marvel in utter amazement of just how many functions a “phone” can do to make our lives more accommodating. More recently for instance I had received a PDF in my email and as I opened it in its miniature form I realized that I could print it wirelessly to the printer in the office it had detected. No longer did I have to fire up the computer, get online and open the mail. I did it in seconds from my iPhone. Pretty cool. 

But I need to disengage. When I come to spin class for instance I always leave my device in the locker because KJ trained me early that for this hour it was all about us and not anyone else. It made sense at the time because as she said everything would still be there when we are done. But guilty I am as soon as the class is over and it’s hard for me not to check my phone for who might have called or texted even before my shower. Sometimes I am able but for the most part I don my glasses (Optical Image) and light up the darkened screen. I am addicted and even though I am an alcoholic I suspect that many of us are tied to the hitching post that is our phone. 

I was talking to my friend DJ on the phone just now and she on the other hand goes on vacation and leaves her phone home. She doesn’t even know where the phone is from day to day and has to use the feature “find my phone” just to retrieve it. She has not given in to technology. DJ is the rare creature that doesn’t take her phone from room to room in her house. I need to take a page out of my friend Debbie’s book. Phones have made our lives easier but we are now savagely codependent on them. Think about the panic that sets in every time we misplace our phone. We might as well be hurtling in space for all the anxiety it causes. 

And dear friends this is just the beginning. When the information highway starts coming through our glasses like Google Glass we will realize what indentured servants went through. 

Mood Shifters

Is it possible to catch someone else’s depression? It’s easily understandable that we can catch another’s cold.  But is it really possible to get an infection like a dis-ease of the mind too? I can only venture that it’s true. Through self-analysis we can usually tell what ails us. We are upset with a loved one, worried about our future or even lamenting a situation in our chosen vocation. It just never occurred to me that a transfer of feelings like depression could be airborne so to speak. It might make sense to make this connection to compare it to when we are around happy people the feeling we come away with is that sense we are lifted as well so why not depressed too?  Lately I have found that when I encounter an individual with a deep sadness or a chronic depression that I come away feeling that my soul is sick as well. 

Depression can be like a spider’s web we can’t free ourselves from when we have no weapons to fight it off. I can usually shake these feelings off but when the anxiety can’t be named it has a sense of foreboding I can only describe it as free floating. It takes creativity to ward off these evil spirits with positive self-talk by taking inventory of what I am grateful for.  When I can name what I am ‘down’ about it seems easier to extricate myself from the malaise. I’m able to wrap my brain around something tangible something I can rationalize. When the words remain hidden I need to conjure up my own incantation to ward off my fear. The false evidence appearing real whether it’s someone else’s or mine needs to be banished by the things we are grateful for. That might not necessarily have us leaping for joy but it can usually counter balance any feelings of despair and loneliness.  

Energy Vampires stay away!

My Father

My father still lives although he no longer knows me. There’s no more Hello Jack! But I said all the things I needed to tell him when he had sense and sensibility. I’m glad I did because I’ve always loved him not always liked him but now I no longer hold resentment towards him.  

Freeman McNeil

It’s been at least 10 years since I laid on this model man and citizen. As I was driving down my street he came to mind this morning. I guess I spoke to him a half dozen times in the course of my career and what struck me instantly was his soft-spoken authenticity. He could have easily been caught up in his celebrity even though his playing days were over. He was constantly being mobbed in person for what people could get from him by way of endorsements or people he held under his influence. There were many professionals that could profit simply by the wave of his hand. It wasn’t that he withheld it from anyone he just wouldn’t lend his name to just any product or service. I never found out why perhaps I never will. 

What also struck me is how much favor Leon Hess held for him when he was alive. The owner of the Jets saw something in his running back as if he was his own son. This I know from my conversations I had with “Free”. Freeman McNeil was a great ball player but an even more exemplary human being.  I wish I could talk to him again being in his presence was a gift.  

P.S.

I'm not even a Jet fan. 

Road Etiquette

Remember when we first learned to drive we were taught etiquette by our parents or our High School shop teacher who took us on Student Driver Education lessons? What were those simple things? Signal your intention for one. If we were going to make a turn we pressed down or up on the indicator light so the guy in back of us knew where in God’s name we were going.  Why don’t people signal? I have tried to figure this out to no avail. At first I thought well they’re just lazy. Lazy? Only a few muscles are involved and after you make the turn the signal light goes off automatically. Really?  Then I thought even worse notions. Like they were just inconsiderate.  That’s a judgment but it was hard to let go of that one. But then I took the high road they were just ignorant because their parents or student driver instructor never told them about driver etiquette 

The second etiquette I thought of was the driver at night on a darkened road using his high beams. Perfectly normal but when you saw the loom of the light of an oncoming car in the opposite direction you switched back to low beams. Wrong! They leave them on to blind you. That still pisses me off. And depending on what kind of a day I had I might put my high beams on in retaliation but even that doesn’t seem to work. Sometimes it does but at other times?  Frustrating to me. The third is a bit more subjective. It’s the 4 way stop sign. Determining who gets to the red sign first is a bedeviling experience almost daily. The problem here is that most people do not come to a full stop as the rules of the road state. They roll (I’ve been guilty) and when I come to a stop even though they came late to the party they’re still moving and that qualifies as a stop in their mind and so they just keep on cruising. Etiquette! It’s simple enough can’t we all just get along? Oh and a big PS: Tailgating. What is it with tailgaters? My driver training told me that I should be at least a car length every 10 mph behind the guy in front of me. So 50 miles an hour translates into 5 car lengths. Not up my ass or in my trunk! Same holds true for those maniacs that cut you off exiting to a ramp or around you because you’re not moving fast enough. No wonder I drive in the right lane so often I hate the pressure that someone is in a hurry to go no place.  Drive safe my friends and remember you’re not the only one on the road.  

The Water of Love

What is it in the printed word especially the hand written script that brings the water of love to our eyes? In the 21^st Century freehand letters are a lost art. When I get such in the mail I immediately know it’s personal and most times it’s about love. Today was such a day and I got a double dose of it and it hit me like an arrow. My love is alive. 

When words of love reach my eyes the waterworks begin and it takes all my male restraint to keep from crying like a baby. Women love it when strong men cry it shows their vulnerable side. It shows that their man is in touch with his feminine psyche. It’s fashionable these days too. No need to feel we’ve lost face when our cheeks flush and our eyes fill with the water of love.

We men can take a page from the women in our lives and enjoy the full range of human emotion from the agony to the ecstasy. The water of love dissolves the pain of holding back what we truly feel. The water of love refreshes our spirit and strengthens our resolve to live one day at a time. 

King of Hearts

Who is this man the man I call the King of Hearts?  He came out of the blue. I knew of him but I never expected to befriend the brother of someone that I love and respect professionally so much. I need to digress a moment before I continue and talk about this “gentle” man. His sister, Kristen James and I are not “buddies” but we do have a mutual regard for each other. We travel in different circles but we both have a passion for exercise and fitness even though her diet of salmon and three bowls of steam is hardly my cup of tea. Kidding aside she has inspired and continues to inspire me every day in my writings no matter what my topic is. You might be surprised that her Zen like philosophy has driven my afflatus in my favorite blog: My Life After AA.  I will never forget that day she said “yes” when I asked if I could blog about her just about 4 years ago. It has been a fun journey writing nearly 800 entries about her and her very talented staff. I hope she knows how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to grow what comes natural to me.  

  And now to the man I write about tonight his name Cameron Bean. When I took my first class with Kristen Finello another one of KJ’s protégés I knew before that first class was over that she was a special talent and I have waxed on about her in several issues of KSC and since I always nickname those I love and care about I have dubbed her K2, which seems apropos on many levels. When I found out that her beau was Cameron Bean I thought how wonderful that the Evil Woman could play cupid as well. She must have been omniscient because this young couple seems perfectly suited in a yin yang sort of way. The love between them leaps at you. You see it in her brilliant smile and in his soft features when he looks at her. The fact that they chose to bring me in as their friend surprised me. What interest would two young people have in someone old enough to be their father?  At first I thought it was just in some avuncular capacity but the fact that we communicate almost daily makes me feel apart of these two vibrantly beautiful people. 

Meeting Cameron was how can I say it? Easy! He instantly makes you feel comfortable in his presence. He is a hulk of a man who is soft-spoken and not very loquacious but when he does speak you know he means what he says. There’s no throw away dialogue with Cameron and it almost seems anachronistic that a man of his size can be as sensitive as he genuinely is. He is probably one of the kindest men I have ever met. It’s not easy for 21st Century man to man up and also be the King of Hearts.  

Cameron recently negotiated rather remarkably a procedure that might have had many men sidelined for quite a spell but his miraculous recovery was truly remarkable. I think he has an indomitable spirit and Cameron makes me wish I knew his Dad who must be beaming over his son from heaven. And now maybe he’s found true happiness in the arms of a beautiful lithesome blonde with a sparkling smile. 

I feel lucky to be their friend and look forward to every time I am in their presence.  

Ask....

I asked the Universal Mind if it was all right if it blessed me with some new topics and a new approach to my writing. Ask and you will receive my Catholic Doctrine told me as a young boy. Other parables claimed that you may not get what you want but instead just what you need. The latter I have faith in implicitly. The wants are always a question because I think the reason that’s true is that we are simply not ready to receive. I do know also that what you see is what will appear. God does not take us this far to drop us on our heads. We get what we can handle.  

If you see pain and suffering your brain will manifest them. If you seek a bountiful life and give back before getting both material and spiritual riches will be laid at your feet. I love this premise and I pray that my Higher Power guides me thoroughly through this 2014.