Kissing Ass?

I have been chastised about going on and on about that gym I belong to Equinox and the members in it. Some say that I am just kissing ass. Maybe I am but that’s not my intention. I do it because I like to make people feel good and if that’s kissing ass than so be it. Writing about people makes me feel good too and some of my critics tell me I have no one to talk to so that is why I write about members at the club. There’s an element of truth to that because for all my gregariousness I am a free spirit, a lone wolf and a solitary man. I have never let anyone get close to me ever since the death of my sister Carol in 1969. Her passing left me confounded in the handling of any relationship.  I am however trying to change that little by slowly. This year in particular some of my friends have invited me to breakfast and dinner and into their homes so I must be changing. In the past I would have declined but now I don’t like to say no because it just makes me feel like I belong.

I used to take pride in the fact that most people didn’t “get me” but now as I let my defenses down and become less obscure I am attracting more humans into my life. God has blessed me with charisma but also with the chains of being enigmatic. That albatross kept me from getting close with my non-romantic relationships. And with a little help from Hercules I am bustin’ loose link by link. 

One Degree of Separation

We all have heard the theory of 6 degrees of separation. It postulates that we are just a few steps away from any person in the world in terms of introduction. I thought how about just 1 degree. One degree of separation between a man and a woman is the one-degree that separates them from a romantic one, sex.  Without sex we are free to love the opposite gender in a very unique way in which there is no agenda. Just think we can have an emotional connection that will probably be more enduring than one that is sexual in nature.  

I will avoid any conjecture as to why sex seems to be the one degree that albeit the most physically and emotionally satisfying of God’s gifts can also be the biggest heart breaker too. But consider a relationship that doesn’t involve the complications sex does and you have the makings of a relationship that can flourish in many ways. The woman in the case of a man can give insights he could never understand and when she says one thing and really means the opposite it’s your female counterpart that can provide you just the solace you need. She can give him an inside take as to why “she” is acting the way she is. On the opposite end what woman wouldn’t love to have a man in her life to help and guide her as to how to handle the confounding behavior patterns of the man in her life. Tell her if this guy is a player or if he’s really serious.  

I’ve been blessed to have a few of these in my adult life and when I speak of 1 degree of separation those relationships help carry me into my life where that separation disappears.  

It's A Man Thing

I’ve heard this so many times it almost makes me throw up in my mouth. However with every cliché there is a grain of truth somewhere. Take emotions for example. Women maybe because of hormones (I don’t profess to know why) can identify every human emotion like we can name every player on our favorite baseball team. I could be accused of prejudice but let’s face it men don’t know squat when it comes to why we’re feeling like crap. We can form a hypothesis surely but as to really what it is that’s bugging us well we’d be more likely to know the ingredients of Quiche Lorraine than what emotion we are feeling. 

One day some years ago I had in a glimpse of what it must be like to be a woman with full cognitive ability. I found myself being angry, afraid and resentful all at once. It was an epiphany of sorts but those moments of clarity rarely present themselves even today. I am relegated to asking my big brain (as opposed to the little one) what’s wrong Jack? What is it that you need attending to? Most times it’s just free floating anxiety made up entirely in my head. I listen to my heart and if I can put my ego aside and listen it’s usually nothing. When it’s a combination of things not just one thing I attend to what I can, accept the changes that are beyond my reach in time or space and when I breathe deep I can distinguish between the two. Often the Serenity Prayer in rapid fire does the trick.  

It’s a man thing however just as we learned to lace our shoes we can do what women do and that is to be a sentient human being even though we are stuck with testosterone. By the way I wouldn’t have it any other way but well it’s a man thing by golly.  

EQ Fit Charlotte Ricci

As to the how and why’s I wound up taking my EQ fit test at 530 pm on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I will not share with you. However suffice it to say that this little experience told me what I already knew but have chosen to completely ignore. I suffer from pretending ignorance that just because I spin like a madman 6 days a week I am exempt from good nutrition. Wrong! 

A young woman with chutzpah approached me about 10 days before and asked me to write about her and in return she would give me a complimentary EQ fit test. At first I was reluctant to say yes for a number of reasons. One was I thought I am above such nonsense, two I like to write as a friend has suggested “organically” as opposed to being asked but somehow an inner voice said: Do it!  And truth be told I have been asked to write so that last reason was hardly one I could cling to. And 3rd I was worried suppose I was unimpressed and had to manufacture a story? Fortunately none of my reasons held water because Charlotte Ricci is an intelligent, passion driven professional eager to make her mark in Woodbury and it was I who benefited most from our “barter” arrangement. 

The young Ms. Ricci I thought was way too inexperienced for this kind of work but her psychology undergrad degree told me otherwise. Her questions were probing but not too personal. I liked that and as a matter of fact her charisma made the queries seem natural. I have always been able to spot a “scripted” pitch whenever I was being sold something but this diminutive dynamo had a silky smooth timber and I dutifully blurted out my obscene dietary regimen. Once I spoke it the gravity hit me like a hammer to the head.  I haven’t been to confession in quite a long time but Charlotte listened intently as I recited my venial and mortal sins one by one. When anyone can get me to open up like that I know their talent is innate. So here’s what transpired. 

I don’t drink enough water despite my best intention. I eat way too many sweets, carbohydrates and late night snacks. The one thing in the last 6 months that has changed is that my lunch over at Fairway has me ingesting fairly healthy portions of vegetables and fruits at least 4 times a week. But this is just not enough and as Charlotte took out her calipers and started pinching at critical spots on my anatomy I realized that I have a long way to go in reducing my body fat and increasing my upper body muscle tone. 

As we proceeded upstairs Charlotte using her various tools was able to determine just how inflexible I was and spotted just from my gait how tight my hips were. She gave me some great stretch techniques and urged me to continue with my dating of the Styrofoam roller and make it part of my everyday routine. I tried it the next day and my aching knee pain after spin did not appear.  Charlotte had me thinking about making subtle changes in my diet and little by slowly the results would follow. Leaving something on my plate was the first step and passing by the Cadbury rack was the second. Drinking more water will be daunting for me because I haven’t been able to stick to the idea that I needed a half-gallon of water everyday but maybe if I did there’d hardly be room for a sleeve of chocolate wafer cookies or two Klondike ice cream sandwiches. 

Have any of you taken this test? It doesn’t cost anything above our membership dues and there’s no pressure to continue with a pack of training sessions. The time alone I promise you will have you making a paradigm shift in how you take care of your body. I know it did for me.  You can rely on your own motivation as to whether or not you hire a trainer. God knows we have employed someone to do most of the chores in our lives why not one to manage our physiology. I’ve gone this far in my quest to attain fitness and Charlotte Ricci has motivated this sexagenarian. Seek her out you can’t miss her and don’t let her age fool you.  She’s yet another star in the Equinox Constellation. 

P.S. 

Mike Ryan is in her corner you can’t ask for a better endorsement. 

Jealousy

Jealousy can drive a man to drink. Well maybe not literally for this alcoholic but it can do a number upside your head. Have you ever stopped to think that when you are in the throes of jealousy that you’re not in love with the person you’re feeling this God-awful emotion about? It’s almost like trying to keep your eyes open when you sneeze you just can’t do it. 

Jealousy is one of the most selfish emotions we are stricken with. Some might say if you don’t feel jealous then you really don’t love that significant other. That might be true but love is supposed to be selfless not selfish. When you’re jealous you can’t see straight and your self-esteem has taken a hit too. Some wear jealousy like it’s a God given right or it’s expected. I think it’s something we have to unlearn. Not easy I know but how can we love unconditionally if jealousy rears its ugly head? Answer is we really can’t because true blue love is pure not laden with hidden agendas, conditions or what ifs.  

Jealousy is most likely instinctual I am not sure what the studies say about it but ask yourself how good it feels when you feel it. Not very good I suspect. We become blind and irrational and we can even say things we might regret later. Jealousy can cause a lot of collateral damage as well and leave us with a broken heart for no good reason.

So what is it that we can do to unlock this ball and chain from our psyche? I don’t know but I do know that it starts with a paradigm shift in thinking. It starts with loving us first. As the old cliché goes if we don’t love ourselves how can we expect anyone else to? Stands to reason if we employ this strategy we might have a chance at taming the savage beast called jealousy.  

David Blatt: 24 Karat Gold

I mean is there anyone in EQ or in God’s creation that breathes like this man? I am sure there are some but to have one in our midst is just pure joy. David is the rare angel that also wears the Star of David on his heart. Regardless of his religious beliefs David is for me a model to aspire to. His words always speak the truth but never pierce the skin. He incessantly makes me feel good whether we exchange a friendly glance or engage in a philosophical discussion. He’s a learned man that’s obvious and every time I see him he brings elegance with every word he speaks. He talks openly about his feelings and is so unafraid, which to me is a rare trait in any human. We are so concerned in keeping our frailties a secret David is open about strength and what’s not so strong. “Very cool” as he would say. 

Earlier this month as I was making my 30th platelet donation feeling pretty good about myself I looked up at the Donor Board in Melville and there plain as day was David’s name with over 150 donations. How incredible I thought. Platelet donations take start to finish nearly 2 ½ hours which is a considerable amount of time to donate as well as the liquid life giving gold the body manufactures. But David never spoke of it before in his exquisite self-effacing style. I love this man. If you don’t know him introduce yourself.  I am privileged to know him. David Blatt is 24 Karat Gold.  

Jessica Capobianco Stanziale: Dionysian Artist

I have had the experience of many massage therapists over my membership span at EQ (dating from April 1, 2003). Most of these artisans were memorable in terms of technique, touch and how deep their individual skills put me into an altered state. 

 But first a little segue. Dionysius son of Zeus from Greek mythology was the god of wine, ecstasy and intoxication.  This symbolizes what massage means to me perfectly.  Through therapeutic touch one becomes intoxicated and enters into a world of feeling and experiences outside the everyday. We in a sense become connected in an “oneness” with the universe.  

To the Apollonian individual (Apollo the other son of Zeus) massage therapy is simply logical and necessary to rejuvenate tired and aching muscles to make them new again. Both philosophies are quite true because massage realigns the damage we do especially we who strive for fitness everyday.  For my part leaning ever to the ethereal side of life massage is severely lacking in my regimen. Maybe just maybe in the massage therapist Jessica Capobianco-Stanziale I find the time and dedication to make this woman my individual instructor in order that I can keep on keeping on in the intense group exercise I so love.  

Jessica recommended to me by Kristen Finello (K2) was extolling her virtues heaven on high. I was a skeptic at first because although most massage therapists are excellent no one has “intoxicated” this damaged physiology enough to make me want a return visit. Jessica changed all that for she is a Dionysian Artist. Her hands are adroit and powerful. She intuitively knows where the problem areas are and reaches in with a deep tissue massage that is truly magnificent. In a way Jessica is a musician and her instrument is the human form. 

Constance Korol: Hearts of Gold

I say hearts because she has more than just one. The first belongs to her beloved husband Michael but CK’s love doesn’t stop there. She a member of EQ is among other things a devotee of Mr. Tripp Doherty. An allegiance that is unfailing and unwavering. When I came back to Mr. Mayhem’ sessions she was there as always never letting up on her pedal stroke. He is a man who inspires her in class and on the road as well. Her husband Michael is doing some of that as well recording Ultra Man status in 24 hour and 100 plus mile runs.  

Constance is to me the voice of reason. Whenever there is controversy she sees both sides of the story and I think she’s powerful enough to mix oil and water. She is a writer too and today we were talking about writer’s block, which we both face now and again, and we both agreed sometimes you just have to put your butt in the chair and write. Inspiration isn’t always divine intervention.  

Constance has the humble heart, which is one of the most admirable as she defers to others rather than take the spotlight herself. I like CK as a friend that turns on my smile whenever I look at hers. Constance Korol; has hearts of gold.  

When Love Takes Over Part III

When is the romantic relationship worth all the fuss of the hours when instincts are in collision? At times love can be like chasing the high of alcohol it is fleeting at best. No two people are in love every minute mostly because of some perceived slight by the other. It’s impossible to be considerate of every nuance a woman expects especially when she doesn’t verbalize it. And if a man doesn’t feel he’s being cared for like his mother used to do they pout silently like a little boy. 

Love is the tender trap once it takes over you’re pretty much f**ked. Why we can’t live without it is simple enough we all want to be needed and all need to be wanted. The words of love keep us satisfied. The look of love washes us in an adrenaline only nature can provide. When the words turn sour or the countenance of our loves reflection changes it so often determines how we feel about ourselves.  

Mike Ryan

Tier 3+. I see his face on the bulletin board by the stairs. He and I have our sign just like those Baseball players do each time they pass each other in the dugout. Ours is the letter V.  Mike you see has that classic shape the women admire and the men wish for. I met Mike about 3 years ago. I like him. Shaved head makes me feel connected. We hairless men need that.  

Last week I watched him in between clients doing pushups effortlessly and then later explosion lift offs clearing a few inches off the black interlocking rubber composite floor and I think to myself I need that. Do I really need that at 62.5? No not really but Mike inspires me and as he moves through his routine I ask for pointers and he gladly gives me more than I bargained for. He talks about using that hard Styrofoam roller on the railing by the alcove. He tells me to get on that thing you need it being you’re always in spin class. I think to myself he’s right. I remember he’s Mike Ryan and did I tell you he’s Tier 3+? I don’t think there’s anything higher but if there is a Tier 4 Mike will find it.  Talk to Mike Ryan one of EQ’s best fitness trainers he has the brain of a kinesiologist and more.   If I wasn’t 62.5 maybe I might find myself in his adroit care.  Maybe there’s still time for me. 

Nancy Kaplan said: I thought you were going to write about Mike Ryan. I look reflectively at her and then she adds you’re way behind in your writing aren’t you? Yes I say I am way behind. So this is for you too Nancy Kaplan the piece about Mike Ryan. He’s Tier 3+. I think you know that by now.  Oh and by the way speaking of Nancy Kaplan I just found out she’s not Jewish. What the? She’s Italian. I am taken aback but don’t know why. I like Nancy Kaplan always have but now that she’s not Jewish…. Nancy may not be Jewish but she’s still the HBIC. Ask me what that is. Some of you already know. 

Howard Brumer: He's Even Taller in Person

Once in a while I like to spotlight one of our EQ members whom I think impacts so many of us simply by his nature. His height precedes him and when I look back in spin class its only a moment to find him in the 3rd or 4th row as big as life. I think he needs a custom Schwinn because the adjustments don’t seem to give him the accommodations most of us have when we clip in.  

I got a chance to get to know him this past summer when he and Ferne invited me to brunch. He is I can attest a gentle soul and you only need look into his eyes to know just how generous this man is.  He is so forthcoming and logical that you might overlook just how reasonable a man he is.  When he speaks his mind he is always direct and never engages in conversation in whispered tones. He is so matter of fact about life and people that cross his threshold you always know where you stand. Howard has only one face the one you see. 

He has a sense of order about his life and it’s easy to see how patient he is as well. He is a lot harder on himself than he is on those around him. When I see Ferne put her two hands on his forearm and gaze lovingly at him it makes me glad that I know him. Howard Brumer he is even taller in person.  

Mr. Cooper

 On Tuesday after a long hiatus I took David Cooper’s class. The last time I thought would be the only time but since I don’t hold resentments I saddled up for another session. David afforded me the one chance to write like a reporter rather than a press agent. I scribed about the plusses and what I didn’t like as much. Normally if I don’t have something pleasant to say I say nothing. 

David I can report possesses all the necessary skills to instruct but it feels more like a military drill than what I’m accustomed to. One of our members called spin class “entertrainment” when it’s with the likes of Kristen and Dana.  But if you come to David’s class it’s a workout plain and simple. There are no frills like shout outs and his charisma is muted even though he is a highly intelligent man. The jokes are almost an aside and not worth mentioning here. He will develop I am sure and he has his aficionados. I am happy to report he is a kinder gentler David.  

Change

It’s not often change comes along without a loud crash or spilt milk or broken glass. When change occurs as naturally as a knock at the door all we need do is open and welcome change in.  Usually change comes because we have been inattentive or worse yet we have abused someone or some thing and there is no real choice in the matter. However when we try to do the next right thing change comes in the form of people with messages we may not have been expecting which are the best kind of all.  Nothing is perfect and not everyone is going to be happy about change but as nothing remains the same forever change takes place whether we want it or not it’s just easier if we are prepared instead being taken unawares.  

Equinox Do You Know This Man?

My new friend Chris Melillo has told me in no uncertain terms that although he likes my scribes he said I should consider lowering the price of my $3.00 excuse me now $5.00 words. I swear that I am but an amateur wordsmith and when I write the words fall nascent and the only thing I think about is not using the same words more than once if possible. Chris on the verge of becoming a proud papa for the third time is always entertaining in the locker room and what I dig about him is his absolute honesty albeit unfiltered. He is roborant on many levels.  

And he has the best Nike Shoes on the Planet. 

The Seventh Sin

Not since The Wolf’s Cry have I been motivated to write anything about the subject of love and corporeal delights. This time the subject is infidelity. Infidelity is one of the few remaining sins that have a seemingly universal condemnation factor in the court of public opinion. The unwritten law expressed implicitly in every conjugal relationship is exclusivity. Judging by how often this decretum is broken whether there is a legal contract in place or not makes me think that monogamy is futile. For some fidelity is never a question in their relationship but for most of the population some of whom can’t stay on a diet, stick to a exercise regimen or remember to take their prescription medicine daily fidelity is as hopeless as never breaking the 10 commandments. 

The energy of sex has many dimensions. Simply put intercourse and its many variations do not necessarily carry the same weight as the emotion of love does. There are many that will insist however that it does. Some actually believe that the God given act of love does not mean that love is essential to a physical union of and for the sake of this piece a man and a woman. Conventional wisdom says that penetration carries just as much gravity as the theory of continuance in that once consummated outside of “the relationship” the disdain becomes The Seventh Sin. 

A fervent Act of Contrition or even the Sacrament of Penance does not remove the Seventh Sin. The clergy may grant absolution for the perpetrators but the hostility and betrayal are not only held in perpetuity but forgiveness is the one act of charity that is withheld. The wounded are excused from any part as the proximating cause of The Seventh Sin but that’s because the floodlights of attention are on those that are found in flagrante delicto. The Seventh Sin or the acts of infidelity for those victims of love are bloodstained forever and The Scarlet Letter lives on with The Seventh Sin.  

My Best Friend

We met in 5th grade and I knew then that this young man would be pivotal in my life even at the tender age of 10.  There was something about him that gave me the knowing that there he’d be on the worst day of my life some 8 years later when my beloved sister passed from this earthly domain. I recall him meeting me at the end of the driveway ready to console me and he did so by his mere presence. He had the courage to appear when most of my acquaintances became shrinking violets.   Many meant well but when people don’t know what to say they stay away when in truth there were no words anyone could say. He became my best friend that day even though I knew it long before. 

He was instrumental in elevating my courage when I donned skis for the first time and his fearlessness was my example to venture when my heart was timid. He loved the Beach Boys and 50 years later those songs still resonate with me as but one of his gifts he bestowed on me.  We experienced many of the rights of passage of youth and it was he who was responsible to guide me into the college that would alter my course irrevocably. 

Magically he arrives again after a long hiatus and I know that because I am playing a different instrument he hears the music. I wasn’t ready for him for so many years but now I think I just might be.  My best friend Bobby is again standing at the end of my driveway.  There are no coincidences none.  

The Breakfast Club 2nd Edition

I for one am grateful that TBC was formed by the HBIC, Nancy Kaplan. For the most part our acquaintance/friendships were relegated to banter before and after class but now we have a genuine forum where we can discuss (in an elegant way of course) any number of topics from the class itself, the latest hot topic (not gossip) as well the meal du jour.   Some members of our semi-exclusive club bring their own healthy additives to enhance just about any concoction those delightful people at the Health Bar build for us. Lisa for instance has a powdered peanut butter, which she adds to her liquid nutriceutical, and my guess is that it is stripped of the fattening oils. I hope for Lisa’s sake that it has some taste unlike most of the low-fat and gluten free offerings of today that are long on missing ingredients and short on taste. Which brings to mind what Kristen has always said that nutrition is King and exercise is Queen.  Her words ring in my shell like ear: “You can’t work off a bad diet”. 

As self-appointed recording secretary I want to say that if TBC is to endure I will need some running commentary from you lest it seem like a personal diatribe, which I want to avoid. So please make your voice heard. If you want to remain anonymous I will certainly respect your wishes but let’s hear from you especially if you’re reading this. I expect to hear from Nancy, Cindy and David don’t tell me you’re shy I need to hear from you as well. I am sure we can count on Dana and if we coax the Queen maybe she will honor us with a royal visit one day. That might be difficult with her life schematic. 

June and summer are fast approaching with that the new group exercise schedule is out and the scuttlebutt is from Mount Olympus that all  spin classes will be trimmed to 45 minutes. What do you think about that? I like it because if you can wrap your brain around the idea that we only have 45 minutes I contend that you will actually work harder and correct me if I’m wrong KJ or Dana (if you’re listening) we may burn just as many calories as the traditional length classes we became so accustomed to.  And by all means mix it up a bit add some upper body strength workouts to round out our regimens thereby avoiding overuse injury and ennui.  Look who’s talking?  

Has anyone had the notion that our sessions have gotten even more intense? Is it just my imagination? What say you? I am hoping we can entice Dana to weigh in on how well we are doing and maybe a hint or two on how to make each session even more efficient. The best one I have heard of late was from KJ when she told us to sit on our pelvic bone rather than our pubic bone. It eliminates that numbness in the groin some of us men suffer.

 See you soon at The Breakfast Club. Charter memberships are being offered for an extended period of time. Please see the HBIC. (Head Bitch in Charge)  

P.S.

If you have any difficulty posting a comment send them along to me at Jackbriant@mac.com

The Breakfast Club

It’s not 1985 but the present day and The Breakfast Club meets on Saturday after spin at the Health Bar at our EQ. I met with the 3 charter members yesterday: David, Cindy and the HBIC, Nancy.  Of course the fare is haute cuisine from our friends behind the counter  but it’s all about the conversation, which was spirited. These three hold court as other members and even instructors and their spouses like Dana and Chad happen by for a chat about the class and the world news within the confines of our beloved gym.  

 David, Cindy and Nancy. They are warm, friendly, don’t take themselves too seriously but are serious about fitness and what they take in their bodies. Healthier lifestyles are their foundation. So very 21st Century. Nancy and Cindy I know pretty well for the last 3+ years we’ve always had playful banter and you can tell its more than just jocular as both women show me genuine concern and I value their counsel very much. 

 David I thought was enigmatic when I first met him in spin. He seemed aloof almost but that was pure imagination on my part as David is a well-loved member and never has anything but positive thoughts and words for everyone who knows him at EQ. 

Without spin there might not be a Breakfast Club because there’s where the seeds of friendship were sown. When you band people together united toward one goal they are drawn to each other and their true personalities are open and on display. Because we love our spin classes with the likes of Kristen and Dana it’s natural that when we sit together and break bread (gluten free of course) inhibitions are left behind.  We feel more vulnerable but safe as well.  

Part II Tomorrow. 

Habits vs Intention

Are your habits stronger than your intention? An interesting collection of words to be sure and they conjure up a host of cognitions. We intend to do the right thing but our habits say just the opposite. We want to be magnanimous but our actions speak only of being miserly. The element of fear is the pebble in the shoe that keeps us from realizing that there is no limit on abundance in fact the more we give the more we receive in return. Not easy grasping on to that notion. We learn from our upbringing that it’s dog eat dog and the only way to get ahead is to go out and take what is rightfully ours and as long as we don’t break any laws its our God given right to garner as much as we can lest the other guy get it first. 

We intend to stay sober but our habitual drinking says it’s our right to take our comfort as a reward for the life we struggle with. We would love to exercise and be fit because we know a healthier body is pleasing to look at and functions as it was intended before our habits destroyed what we were given. We don’t want to smoke but the habit is so strong the intention to quit lies just out of reach like the veritable carrot on a stick. 

Are our habits stronger than our intention? Unfortunately habits are easy to get into and not out of. Intention however if given enough time at the podium is more than just a speech it’s the new way of life.   

Just My Opinion

If more people would spend time in the opposite view point taking the other side in an argument they are fully associated with the world might just be a different place. It’s not easy taking the opposing view especially in politics because heaven forbid that the politico on the other side of the aisle just might have strength in their opinion. As Americans we are too perfunctory and dismissive to even entertain the idea that a liberal or a conservative might have something of value to say. 

When I was a boy liberal meant that you were open to contrarian ways of thinking and you were committed to listening rather than judging. As a middle of the roader I feel liberals have become just the opposite of their predecessors and are quick to judge and worse yet ridicule anyone that doesn’t see their point of view. 

Conservatives for their part are too busy railing against the other side as to what they aren’t doing instead of what is being done right. Some conservatives might even exclaim that liberals have everything wrong. 

Truth is no view point possesses all the answers and if only Republicans were required to argue for the exact opposite of what they believe they just might hear what they had been closed off to. And the Democrats   ought to think about harkening back to leaders like JFK and reconnect with what the word liberal truly means. 

When Love Takes Over Part II

The way to a woman’s heart is paved with emotion and a nice physique and good brain help but her mind and body open when a man tries to empathize with his woman rather than trying to understand her. 

Love becomes a sticking point in a man-woman relationship however when the female of the species insists on the premise that “He should just know”.  From a man’s perspective trying to read a woman’s mind is like trying to solve the Rubik’s cube blindfolded. In a movie White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Rosie Perez’s character tells Woody Harrelson that she is thirsty. He like a good BF hands her a glass of water. She says NO that’s not what she wants him to do. What she does want is for him to acknowledge her thirst rather than quench it.  

Men are from Mars and Women from Venus is not just a marketing phrase because how they each perceive communication albeit in the same solar system are still different planets. If a man can become Kreskin and read minds his love will be blissful throughout but since most mortals are not so blessed he will probably be stuck with the plague of asking his lover to confide in him what exactly it is she wants. The solutions that come quick to the mind of man are the one’s to avoid.  

More on this subject….

When Loves Takes Over

You may be in your right mind but then again you might not. Giving up the wheel when you’re used to doing the driving is not an easy thing. Having to trust province to guide you from making illegal turns and navigating instincts in collision is not for the faint of heart.  

How do you know you’re in love though? Is it physical, emotional, spiritual or historical? My guess is that it’s a combination of all four but which one do we trust the most and which one the least?  Usually we lead with the law of attraction first because without the physical connection affairs of the heart simply don’t get off the ground. Not at first anyway. My thoughts are that the chemistry factor of love is just about the most unreliable.  Don’t get me wrong everyone needs the human touch that excites our nerve endings but the truth of the matter is that we can be attracted to so many people but that doesn’t mean a relationship is possible or even desirable. And I am sure there are many stories in the naked city that didn’t start off physical and ended up smoking hot later on down the line.  

Friends first is probably the safest route to a lasting love but when a man hears a woman wants friendship it usually means in his mind that he is the designated utility outfielder unlikely to see much action. I think though that’s where most men go wrong and if they could just be persistent and consistent the more likely that strategy will pay off if he is truly not just out to bed her.  For the woman wants passion but if a man leads with understanding and avoids trying to fix things and just listens four times more than he speaks he’s more likely to build a foundation that won’t topple once the rains come.  

More on this subject soon as the spirit moves me.  When loves takes over.  

Missing the Point

Today I found myself locked in a somewhat garrulous exchange about how I should have shown up for Cycle for Survival. My friend kept insisting despite my thought that charity is a personal choice that it was an obligation on my part to participate in the cause that unites many of us at the health club I belong to.  I tried to explain that for personal reasons I choose to do my part donating platelets for cancer victims. In this way I feel my charity comes from my blood instead of from my pocketbook. I have no quarrel with how anyone chooses to partake in a chosen charity but no one no one can tell me how to do it.  I have explained why I feel Cycle for Survival was not my choice but my friend insisted that I was missing the point. My arrogance was boiling over but instead of letting it scald anyone including myself I held my tongue. 

Maybe I am just too long in the tooth and combined with the fact that I am an alcoholic I resent anyone telling me what I must or should have done. Fact is I have participated in my health club with tremendous enthusiasm especially over the last 3 years. And for anyone to tell me that my absence from that particular gathering was a gaffe on my part seems even to the casual observer overblown. I like to think though that I am open and not closed off to anyone’s opinion but in this case my opinion rules because it’s mine not anyone else’s. 

She's So Mean

 She’s So Mean 

Song and Lyrics by Matchbox 20  

I kn-kn-know a girl
She gets what she wants all the time
Cause she’s fine
But for an angel, she’s a hot, hot mess
Make you so blind
But you don’t mind

Cause she’s an uptown, get-around, anything-goes girl
She’s a hardcore, candy-store, give-me-some-more girl

She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)

You kn-kn-know that if you don’t shut your mouth
She’ll freak out
You better get your shit together
Cause she’s bringing you down, now
Yeah, boy, you better, you better

Cause she’s an uptown, get-around, anything-goes girl, girl
She’s a hardcore, candy-store, give-me-some-more girl, girl

She’s got a wicked sense of humor, can’t believe what she says
She drinks Bacardi in the morning till it goes to her head
And all you want is just to hold her, but she don’t go for that
She has a hard time coming when she can’t hit back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)

Every now and then she makes you just a little bit crazy
She’ll turn the knife into your back and then she’s calling you ‘baby’
Crazy

She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
Yeah, you want her
Yeah, I know how you want her, but she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?

We all know a girl like that or maybe a guy like that. Someone that is ostensibly one to stay away from but fortunately-unfortunately for us we are strangely drawn to.  Could it be its because they are so unlike what we think we are like? Or do they possess those character defects-assets we wish we had or had the balls to lay claim to. 

And don’t we just know that they always seem to be able to get away with it? We say God if we had the audacity to even do or say half the things they do we would have our head handed to us or have our mouths washed out with soap. What is it about them? Is it just their charisma? Their devil may care attitude? Or is it that they just know what they want and they’re not afraid to go and get it? Can we take a page out of their book? That’s the real acid test because if we do dare to be devil may care we have to have the gonads to see it all the way through and not be shrinking violets when the words of protest from those that know and love us will undoubtedly be spoken. We have to be convincing if we ever have any hope of pulling off what we secretly want to be able to. Of course it’s jumping outside the proverbial box but the payoff could be huge. Consider the downside and if you think you’re prepared then take the leap off the diving board headfirst. You know you want to.  

Charity: A Contrarian View

I have been torn about registering for Cycle for Survival 2013 mainly because I think we have lost perspective on why we support this event in the first place. Two years ago when I first went and participated that Saturday morning in Roslyn I was so captivated emotionally.  It was an assault on the senses I will never forget. We were all there united for a cause I frankly hadn’t known about: Rare Cancers. I covered it one of my blogs and I felt great about my donation as I did about being and cycling with many of the wonderful friends I have met because of spin.  

I talked about my feelings with someone deeply involved in this charity and he felt last year it had lost some of magic of the year prior and since I move intuitively it just confirmed what I felt and why I won’t spin this year. No its not about $ because I know that this fund raiser is essential for many people struck with this killer.  My point is that I will continue to contribute in my own way and that is to donate platelets once a month. I know that I am helping cancer patients with no fanfare  while we wait for the cure.  Cancer is not only a killer it’s also a big business and the latter part makes me sad.  For those that are participating I will keep you in my prayers but for me I will just roll up my sleeves instead.  

It’s unfortunate that charities in this country have become a cottage industry and worse yet it has become a competition about who can raise the most money. Everyone has a cause and we feel compelled to contribute to every one of them. It’s big business and they play on our emotions instead of placing more focus on raising funds in a more congruent way. Every time I go to Petco they ask me for a donation off my debit card or you go to Publix it’s the same thing.  Charities become an emblem for big companies too. Those employed there feel obligated to contribute via payroll deduction. Charity is  a personal decision and some make it so public we feel embarrassed if we don’t throw money at the problem. I know charity is essential but there must be a better way to administer money to those that need it rather than all these emotional ploys that leave us feeling guilty instead of feeling good.  

Dark Corners

Some things are better left unsaid is a cliché I used to hear many years ago when I was growing up as a child of the 60’s. We were much more accepting back then keeping things in the dark. We spoke in hushed tones or not at all about anything that didn’t suit what was considered outside the “norm” of human behavior. The 21st Century of course is a world apart where little is left to the imagination in terms of what might be kept private in a dark corner and what isn’t. 

The court of public opinion still using morals of the 20th Century is quick to try and convict those in high places and hold them out for ridicule without a consciousness of what needs to stay private. The media is forever anxious to explore every dark corner of a person’s life.  They gather information often in a scurrilous fashion that is only used to break people down in terms of their stature and then build them back again if there’s a story in it.  

Everyone has a dark corner things and situations that we are either not proud of or embarrassed about. Everybody plays the fool there’s no exception to the rule* as the lyrics to a 70’s song once filled the airwaves. Why are we so infatuated with looking at people especially celebrities in times of distress, in flagrante delicto   or their latest brush with alcohol or drugs? Mostly its because we want to feel superior to those we think have it better than we do. It is indeed a sad state of affairs when we can’t help looking in dark corners. If we looked in the shadow of our own lives we might not be so quick to judge others.  

*The Main Ingredient, 1972.