Capitulation Tuesday

Giving in to it. Today I just have to give in. Sit here and write and study be with my two cats and reflect how blessed I am not only to have survived the devastation outside but also to have lasted nigh on 62 years now. 

I hate to give in and I hate to say goodbye and that has helped as well as hindered me all my life. I don’t know why I am so persistent or relentless. I don’t think I inherited those traits from my father or mother maybe it was my paternal Grandfather but it makes life for me more like a human doing than a human being. Part of what marks my personality beside my sensitive nature is my enthusiasm. I think I was born with that and my environs gave fuel to the fire within me that still burns bright whether its in a spin room or when I walk about other humans and start extemporaneous conversations that have no script.  I love how deftly I can start confabs with strangers and how most respond to me. It’s curious how it works nearly every time. I think its intuition but the more sullen and serious people I love talking to them the most.  I lift their day and usually put a smile on their face as well and that gives me Actual Grace and its fun as well.  

So today in the aftermath on Capitulation Tuesday I sit and feel that it’s okay to give in to capitulate and not do anything. Tomorrow should arrive just in time for things to do.  

A Sexagenarian Plus 1

This is a great opportunity for a man of 61 years old to get more acquainted with himself and connect with others in a way that will resonate with people of any age and hopefully any walk of life, ethnicity or gender. When I became a sexagenarian it was probably the most significant emotional and spiritual event that I can recall because it gave me a vantage point that I had never considered because I live my life to the fullest yet only day to day. One of my major shortcomings is not having had a plan. I used to make goals but I think my accomplishments have come through osmosis as it were rather than a concerted conscious effort on my part.  

Also woven into my current working life and tenure, as a stepparent has been my life in recovery from alcohol and drugs for the past 23+ years. I have been fortunate in never having relapsed in that time. This experience I have been blogging about in what I call: My Life After AA for the past 3 years. These writings are my own experience and they have been reported to be a didactic source to my readers and quite frankly to me as well. This writing capability has extended itself into 13 blogs that I write on a regular basis. I of course am seeking to be discovered by some editor and maybe one day I will be. My writing is experiential in nature and I have been told that I am able to capture within my writing, emotion that normally would take pages. I just know that like my life, my writing is not scripted and it arrives nascent, or Faulkneresque as some have mused. 

I am determined to avoid the world of stagnation and despair that my 83-year-old father lives in.  My remaining years I hope will be characterized by the word that I have learned in my psychology studies and that is generativity. I have so much to offer succeeding generations merely by the life I have lived. Whether it be through my life passing through military college, a major weight loss of 75 pounds, a running career that included 17 marathons, life as an alcoholic and one in recovery for 23+ years. 

As long as I can take in a breath I will always be in learning mode. Whether it is in my chosen vocation of Finance, my exercise regimen of spinning, or writing in my blogs I am always gaining knowledge about people, places and things.  If I could describe my essence it would be a sponge. I am constantly taking new experiences and using my intuition to advance the lives of those in my nuclear and blended families and those that I interface with on a daily basis. 

My future studies will certainly include the field of addiction, as I will pull from the 23 years of personal sobriety. I can also lend my experience to arena of blended families and share the experiences I have had as a stepfather. There is not enough study in this field of endeavor and I will do what I can to foster more understanding of the non-nuclear family. 

Another area of interest for me lies in the burgeoning science of Cyber Psychology. Again having spent 17 years in the social networks of the World Wide Web and its ever-expanding intricacies is a fascinating area of psychology yet to be discovered. 

Keep It Dark

When I think about the light it stands to reason that things can be seen with abject clarity. However there are times when it’s better to Keep it Dark. When the light shines its easier to jump to conclusions as our ready made mind is blind to what might lie in the shadow view.  

In the shadow, the dark eliminates preconception and truth can stand just as upright in the dark as it does in the light.  As long as there is no incongruity the truth is true in the dark too.  Keep it Dark and we can go inside and intuitively find what our heart says not what we think our eyes see.