That Red Wheel

When I spin in someone else’s room I can take chances.  When I am in KSC the Evil Woman has every one of our moves drawn in blue in a perfect schematic with every inch caliper measured like an engineers blueprint.  This week without the guiding voice of our mercurial master I took the resistance wheel and pretended that it had only one direction: up.  With each passing interval I turned that red knob another ¼ turn to the right.  

My guide was Dr. Lori Podray with a look and physiology that belied her age and provided a perfect backdrop that gave me the leeway somewhat akin to spinning solo.  Her hand characterized by the lightest of touch yet a sweet urging to bring our HR up to 85%. Her instruction was more a function of her polite demeanor versus the stern hand of our beloved EW. However at rides end it was the same pool dipping drenched attire and small lake underneath my Johnny Q. Spinner that gave me some of the same satisfaction of our own Lavender Palace.  

Cascade

When I dream I dream about you.  The wordless feelings bring me a peace and happiness that carries no explanation.  There are times when something material appears in my picture window that for all intents be a pleasure that might cascade over my 3rd chakra but alas it doesn’t.  It’s the not knowing “why” I am in serene pastures that bring me the best rubbing of hands together.  I don’t know why but the universe does it just hasn’t told me yet.  And when I can feel this kind of excitement amidst chaos and uncertainty that I am right where I should be. 

They Say It's Your Birthday

Well it’s my birthday too!  The outpouring of love and true affection showed me on Thursday exceeded my wildest expectations. And let me tell you I love Face book. Love it. The geniuses that invented that cyber tool probably made a killing and as well they should. It’s like a Hallmark card with wings. If you use it properly and don’t get too carried away with personal stuff, (my opinion) FB can open up a world gone by again in a blink.  I am getting away from my topic because what started my day with incredulity was seeing Lori Spiegel in street clothes (wonderful ensemble) sitting outside the gates of EQ apparently awaiting the arrival of yours truly. As our eyes met and I advanced toward the door this paragon of a human being rose armed with two Happy Birthday cupcakes enclosed in a plastic container. I was thunderstruck but what amazed me was how nonchalant Lori was about the whole thing. I can only guess how happy her life partner is along with her offspring because this woman is thoughtful with all get out.  

Another sidebar if you will indulge me and I have to apologize to my readers and myself because I just thought all of you were smiling acquaintances in my life. Wrong!  I can actually call many of you my friends. And maybe some of you take that for granted but let me tell you I could only count active friends on one hand maybe like two fingers. Now I am basking in serious platonic love the likes of which I have never seen heretofore.  And it’s so cool. Do I start to enumerate them? Or maybe I shouldn’t lest I forget someone.

No have to and in no particular order (well maybe that’s prevaricating) Here is my roll call: Debbie Jensen this is a Prom Queen inside and out and read about her in a story I am cooking up called: The Golden Girl.  Then there’s my favorite spin instructors Kristen and Tripp and I need not wax poetic about them you can read the 500 some odd stories about them in words I’ve laid down over the last two years. All of my front row riders in KSC like David, Stacy, and the hula hoop Queen of Long Island: Cindy of Spoiled Rotten.  Shall I go on? The twins Marjorie and Rose, Janene (statuesque beauty blessed with grace and charm) Mary McCann who may be canonized if our Papal push is acknowledged. Then there’s the tag team of Cheryl and one of my new favorites Heatherr Featherr (sometimes spelled with 3 r’s) of Optical Image. Do you go to their store? Duh they are great.  Dana and Keith, Mo Russo, Peter Charles and the list goes on and on.  

I am blessed and in a time in my life where I am yet again in transition personally I have all of you making my existence with all it’s ups and downs and twists and turns sithroughable even when there seems to be a pincushion under my butt.  I had to hold back the tears on several occasions.  Did I mention my surprise party? Sigh I thank you all from the bottom the top and middle of my full heart.  

The Day My Mother Died

It was February 10, 2000 when my mother died. It was one day short of my parents’ 50th anniversary when she left the earthly plane. When I departed her side that morning a few days after my birthday she was laid out on a hospital bed in her living room the morphine drip at her finger tips as she fought off the excruciating pain of the cancer that would soon take her life.  

When the news came that she had expired I felt a deep sigh of relief that her suffering had come to an end. There was also a sense of calm that had befallen me because I had told her I loved her before she took her last breath and everything that I needed to say to her had been said. And although she left the corporeal world of the living I took her spirit along for the ride that I continue on until it’s my time when God calls me home. I hope its upstairs where I think she resides and I am sure that my angels have gotten some direct guidance from her as they continue to help me avoid some of my human foibles. 

I was there when my sister of 16 died violently in an auto crash and two years ago I felt the blood rush to my head when I lost my sister at 50 to the disease of not being able to catch her breath. But the day my mother died is in a way so different because it was her that gave me life and it’s through her eyes that I see some of the road ahead even if I need glasses.  

Resistance is Futile

There have been times that I thought that a strong will helped me resist feeling emotional pain like grief over a lost relationship or the death of a loved one. It took awhile but I realize now that resistance is futile. Instead I embrace what I am fighting off and let it envelope me. What has transpired is that I start to feel relief a lot quicker than if had I used the power of my will.  

Make no mistake the pain can be quite severe and there is no quick fix to a heart punch but if we treat what we resist as an opportunity for growth we can handle life on life’s terms with strength instead of the false bravado of resistance. 

Resistance is futile because inevitably what we resist will overtake us and the probability is that the damage will be much more ruinous than if we had we met it with open arms instead of clenched fists. 

Open Heart

When your heart is open be prepared for it to be broken. It is the fool who never wants to take a chance on not being hurt. Nothing ventured nothing lived. It is a roll of the dice each time you take someone into your essence and the chances are that your fragile ego will suffer the pain of loneliness at least once. Take heart however because God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and if we are patient love will come around again just be prepared to answer the door and let it not go unanswered. 

As Clear As Mud

What’s the difference between right and wrong? It used to be as clear as a cloudless blue sky but now those waters are a bit muddied. Muddied because there are so many grey areas that make the decision of choice between the big two so difficult. It’s perception that allows what is right and wrong to be juxtaposed with each other like salt and pepper.   We get lost in the multiple choices and because we think the elements of truth lie within we have leeway to starboard and port.  Sometimes it appears to be fact but often it is the twist that makes direction seem like a balled up wire with no beginning and no end.  

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

When those of us that claim they have the court of public opinion in their favor they can engage in any vitriol they choose because after all they’re in the right. An easy thing to throw stones even if you live in a glass house because why take your own inventory when you can take someone else’s and get away with it.  Taking shots when no one’s looking seems more like cowardice to me. (And even that is judgment on my part) I would rather you got in my face and told me straight off than engage in gossip and slander behind my back or worse yet used revenge as an excuse to get even for your own lies that would crack your bathroom mirror.  

Ring of Fire

The band of fire that rims the horizon outside my planes window delineates the darkened landscape below and the deep royal blue the overhead sky clings to as dusk descends in my world at 30,000 feet.  The miracle of sunset repeats itself over and over and as I witness God’s miracle, serenity envelopes me as no words could ever describe.  

2012 What's New? Not Much

Now that the “silly season” is behind us (thank God) I am ready to take on 2012 even if the world does end this year.  Christmas used to be a time that I loved now it is just a nuisance and not having to take down a tree or turn lights on and off each night suits me just fine.  

And like I have alluded earlier Christmas music is for the birds in a cage.  Silver Bells isn’t that the worst song ever written? No matter who sings it it still sux. 

What about 2012 though? It’s an election year and that should be fun-NOT. I can do without the endless tax preparation commercials as that’s like sitting on a pincushion each time I plop my ass in the chair. I was in a Publix on December 26th   and Valentine’s Day cards were on display already. It seems that Madison Avenue just won’t give our pocketbooks a break every time you turn around there is another festive occasion we are compelled to participate in. Valentines Day is another sham. Ceremony over substance never makes sense to me and just because it’s February 14th I can do without having to buy jewelry from Jared or plunk down 6.99 for a card (I can write better than any Hallmark) or 19.99 for roses that will wilt February 15th. We are like sheep because the ad men and women keep rolling out the same crap year after year and we keep marching to their off key notes.    

Easter? I will get to that once we pass old man winter.